I didn't know that I'd fallen in love with him until just a few minutes ago.
When he texted me and told me about what happened last night after we quit texting each other, about what happend at that party.
I'm joking with him about it, and pretending to think it's hilarious because on the inside it hurts.
I mean it really hurts.
Not as bad as when Aaron broke my heart.
This isn't a broken heart, it's a damaged heart.
Like someone threw a rock at it.
If it was anyone else, I think I'd actually be laughing my ass off about the entire thing.
I'd call them a pervert and mean it, I told him that, but I didn't mean it.
I'm picking on him and joking around because I'm on the verge of tears but I could never tell him that.
I think he's a little irrated with me and I don't know why.
I think it's because he's not used to being picked on, even though I'm most definitely kidding.
This is not what I expected.
I knew I liked him.
Knew that the other night when his name popped up on the screen of my phone that I felt all warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Knew that last night when he said that he'd wait until I was 18 to go out with me and I said that he didn't have too and he responded with "maybe I want too" that I had butterflies in my stomach.

Why do I keep doing this to myself?
I'm perfectly content to wait on Brian and yet....Derrick's tempting.
And I've appearently fallen for him.
But it's not a lust thing like with Travis, I look back now and realize that when I dated Travis it had to do with lust, not love.
With Derrick, I really do like him.

Grr, what the fuck am I getting myself into?


XOXO,
Dollface

The one thing that'll never change between us.

Is how open we are with each other.
I don't think it's really possible for me to keep things from you anymore, Ali.
You are my best friend and I love you to death.
Thanks for the advice and right now i'm just going to try to move forward and try not to make any major decisions, however as soon as I have another job I will quit McDonalds.
Because with the way things are going right now I can't get a manager position and since that's all I want and I can't have it and since there's just so much crap out there and everything i think I'm better off leaving.
I'll post more later I think.
I'mma sign on AIM again soon, I want to talk to you.
I want to knit and I want to pow and I want things to just be how they used to be, before we both got slammed with so much pain and misery.

I haven't been here in so long...

And I think that's because I kinda considered this blog to be apart of my past that I'm trying to get over.
And I just thought it'd be easier if I wasn't here anymore.
But....I still need this.
I'm blogging here today, because what I have to say I want Ali to hear and no one else.
I kinda feel like this is a special place for just me and her now.
A place where I can let all these emotions loose and I know she won't judge because she's such an amazing friend.

There's so much to say and very little time.
I've fallen all over again.
Fallen head over heels and I told him.
I literally told him this time.
I wanted to make sure that if my heart was broken this time, that it was on purpose.
Because I know it'll take the death of hope to let him go.
But he won't do it.
He's tearing me up on the inside because he can't do it.
He can't tell me what he's feeling, what he's thinking.
He can't smash my heart into a million pieces either.
He's just cruel enough that I can almost feel my heart falling apart.
But just mysterious enough that I still have hope that he loves me too.

Half of me feels like it's a mistake dating Travis, especially since I love Aaron so incredibly much.
But the thing is....I could be happy with Travis.
If I just tried, if I just pushed this pain back and forced a smile onto my face than given a little bit of time I could honestly be happy with Travis and soon it wouldn't be a lie anymore.
But it's not really a lie now.
I am happy with Travis, but there's a lot of pain mixed in with this happiness.
I'm still going to go see Aaron sometime within the next few months.
I want to see him once.
I want to look him in the eyes and ask him to be honest with me.
And if he looks away when he answers, then I'll know the truth.

I actually kinda hate myself.
Because....I can't understand why I can't just be happy with the way life is.
I still miss Brian alot.
I want to talk to him so bad.
I want to tell him that I still love him.
But that we need to stay friends for now, because I don't want to lose him either.
But I love him in a slightly different way than I love Aaron.
I'm leaving out so many details in this post and I didn't realize it until now.

Like yesterday, as I texted with Aaron, being completely honest with him I started to read the first letter he'd ever wrote to me.
And the tears came before I made it half-way through.
It hurt so bad, because apart of me thinks he's lied to me about everything.
And I can't stand myself for thinking that because he's my best guy friend and I just wish....wish he could see...could understand how I'm feeling and that he'd just be honest with me.


XOXO,
Dollface.

P.S. I miss you wifey.

Haha

Haven't been on here in so long.
Tis strange to be back.
But I'm determined to do lots of blogging on here.
Have been really busy lately, haven't been online much.
Going to camp tomorrow.
Should be fun.
Need to finish packing.
And finish cleaning my room.
And finish the laundry
Oh and then take a shower.
Currently talking to my wifey, I've missed her very much.
OH!
I have a surprise for ya'll.
I GOT GLASSES!.



XOXO,
Dollface

Say Say Say

Listening to the Michael Jackson tribute playlist on playlist.com
Title is taken from the song "Say Say Say"
Basically ready to go.
Already have a pic of my outfit.
Just need a close up of the shoes.
Currently toying with idea of getting on Tumblr for a few.
I look really girly.
And strangely enough I like it.



XOXO,
Dollface.

More later.

Thought about it.
And yeah, I'm still upset.
Yesterday was the first sunday with out Crystal there.
I spent most of the church service crying.
There were some laughs though.
The service was more laid back and for the most part it was just a time for everyone to just be.
To just...try and support each other I suppose.
But I did, I cried.
I wished I could have had someone to hold onto.
But then, even if someone had been there.
I'm not sure I would have.
Because I'm not used to having someone to hold on to.

But I know I'll be okay.
I just don't know how long it'll take.
I just know that it'll definitely take a while.
I hope I'm more or less back to normal by the time Brian gets here.
I'd hate to be just....all emotional while he's here.
Though if he's here during the one year anniversy of her death then I'm sure he'll be here for at least one night of tears.

And....I guess I'll blog more later.
Like when my mind is more willing to attempt this.


XOXO,
Dollface.

CHECK IT OUT BITCH!

www.cherry-waves.tumblr.com

This dude got me hooked on some really amazing music.
To find out which songs check out mine:
www.ily2.tumblr.com

To listen to those songs check out his.
Anyways.
Missing Brian like crazy.
He left for California today.
I haven't spoken with him since Saturday.
It really sucks.
Um...yeah.
Really enjoying this music he got me hooked on.
It's awesome.
Annnnnd yeah.
I'll blog more soon, I think.



XOXO,
Dollface

A profound realization.

While in the Prayer Service today.
I didn't cry as much as I thought I would.
Though I did cry.
On the way home I came to a profound realization.
I believe I didn't cry as much as I thought I would due to me trying to be everyone elses shoulder to cry on.
I realized that everyone else was comforting each other and not me because I'm used to dealing with pain alone and they aren't.
And so they need the comfort more than I do.

Even as I sat there crying.
Ashley on one side crying.
And Karrie on the other.
Not once did either reach out to comfort me. Only once when I'd rubbed Ashley on the back and she hugged me did Karrie then proceed to hug us and try to help.
I think....I think I'm just a loner.
Because though I cry in public very rarely.
When I do, no one is brave enough to approach me.
And so I am forced to deal with it alone.
So here I sit.
Realizing that I'm alone.
Though there are people here for me.
Like my family.
My friends are too far away to be of any help.
And some wouldn't know what to do anyways.
I am not angry that people do not try to comfort me.
It's just the way things are.

I'm the rock.
I'm the one everyone leans on.
No one ever expects that I'll need to lean on them and so....when it happens.
They don't comfort me, because they either don't know what to do or they assume I have it covered.
I don't know what it is.
Or why I just realized it on the way home.
But either way.
It's the truth.
And the two people who I wish could be here are stuck in the military doing training.

And guess what? I have no idea how I'm going to survive the summer.
Brian just informed me that in about a week he has to go off the grid for a month (I.E. no phone, no internet for a month which eaquls no contact.)
Well...maybe we can snail mail each other...I'll have to ask about that one.



XOXO,
Dollface.

SEVEN?! WTF!?

Seven posts....
All I have is seven posts for this month.
Wtf is wrong with me?



Oh, I got a tumblr.

http://ily2.tumblr.com



-Dollface

Hey, I listen to suggustions.

Was shifting through Ali's blog.
Catching up on the things I missed.
Still have some more reading to do.
But one song on her new playlist caught my attention so I looked it up.
It's pretty good.
"Not Listening" - Sick Of Sarah.
I actually really like it.
And I haven't even finished listening to it the first time.
Yes....I think I'll be okay.
But it's going to take time.
And right now.
I'm not okay.
Kinda like that MCR song?

"I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not oh-f*cking-kay.
Trust me."



XOXO,
Dollface

Fuck.

I just....I can't.
I can't.
I can't think.
I can't breath.
I know that if I try to eat I'll just puke it up.
I'm not even hungry.
My head is pounding.
I could just break something.
I'm angry and I'm upset and I just...I just wish things were different.
Do you know I didn't even get to hug her on sunday?
Because I didn't want to interupt what she was doing long enough to get a hug.
I didn't go to youth group last wednesday.
The last wednesday she'd ever be with us.
I'm...I'm....fuck.
I just....I can't.
I can't do this.

Blank.

My mind feels so blank most of the time.
Like at first it isn't.
At first it's kinda blank but at the same time it's spinning with thoughts and ideas.
But then it spins faster and faster and I have a hard time getting a grip on things so then it feels blank though it isn't.
And then my head starts hurting.
And then my head is blank from pain.
But I still feel like there's things spinning in my mind.

Probably won't take a shower tonight.
The ghosts are driving me crazy.
Been texting since like 1:30 this afternoon.
I've probably sent like 300 texts since then.
Working 2-close tomorrow.
If our softball team wins the first game then we may try to catch thier second game at midnight.
Sucks I have to work 7-4 on Saturday.
(Yeah, they keep changing my damned sche)

Annnnd yeah.
New kid at work.
Friends with my cousins Dustin and Jessica.
Has been texting me.
He's like six months younger than me.
I was sorta interested until I heard that.
I really, really don't want to date someone younger than me again.

Sooo yeah.
Missing Brian like crazy.
Missing Aaron too.
I loves them both very much.
Just in different ways.



XOXO,
Dollface.

Current sche

Monday: 5-2
Tuesday: Off
Wednesday: Off; Might be going to see a movie and going to church.
Thursday: 5-2
Friday: 2-close
Saturday: 8-6
Sunday: Off; going to church, Maybe to san antonio.





XOXO,
Dollface

Sche.

Saturday, June 6th: 2- close.
Sunday: Off. Have church as usual.
Monday: Possibly off.
Tuesday: Off, might get to hang out with Aaron. (San Antonio Aaron, not Army Boy Aaron)
Wednesday: Off.
Thrusday: Possibly off.
Friday: 2-close
Saturday: 8-6

Will update this as soon as I know more.


XOXO,
Dollface

Not even going to bother attempting to come up with a witty title.

I can't do this.
I can't think.
I can't...I just can't.
I understand why Ali doesn't want to talk about this.
I can't blame her.
But right after I heard and I was heading home all I could think of was "Ali, Brian, Ali, Brian, Ali, Brian. Just one of them, please."
I need this.
But I can't, I can't ask her to deal with this.
I'm about to cry.
Not gonna lie.


Just.....shit.




XOXO,
Dollface.

HA! HA!

Oh hey, look.
It's June 1st.
Okay, technacially June 2nd because it's 12:20 AM.
But Whatever.
It's june 1st on the west coast.
Sooooo HA!



XOXO,
Dollface.

*gasp*

NO MORE BLOGGERZ FOR DA WIFEY.
CAN YOUSA BELIEVEZ THAT?.

Haha, yeah.
I've been feeling gangsta-ish all day.
And appearently Ali is discontinuing her blog until further notice.
Hmmm......I wonder why.
But I won't push the subject.
It's her choice.
Not mine.



XOXO,
Dollface.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
THAT
WAS
EPIC
TOTALLY, TOALLY EPIC.
I'M IN LOVE. I CAN'T WAIT. IT WAS AMAZING, NO JOKE. OMG.

NEW MOON TRAILAR COMING OUT TONIGHT!

Also;
"HOLY FLANNEL SHIRT" - Mom's new favorite saying.
So yeah, I'm watching the MTV movie awards.
It rocks.



XOXO,
Dollface

Tickets.

Hey, I just noticed that the Blink-182 concert tickets are now on sell.
I bet my wifey is very, very happy about that.






XOXO,
Dollface.

"I've never wanted anything as much as you."

Downloaded some music off Myspace the other day.
Walked into my room after getting out of the shower to find "As Much As You" playing.
I really, really like this song.
I hadn't really gave it a listen.
I'm glad I walked in to find it playing.

Exact info on it:
Colin Munroe; "As Much As You(Feat. Blaqstarr)" - Colin Munroe is the Unsung Hero.

Hmm, this one is pretty good too.
Colin Munroe; "Fever(Remix)" - Colin Munroe is the Unsung Hero.

Must add these songs to my MP3 player tomorrow, or maybe sunday.
Apprently Colin Munroe did a song with Kanye West.
Which is cool.
But funny because his myspace says like "Altertive rock" and I think "Hip hop"
Anyways.
Going to bed soon.



XOXO,
Dollface.

P.S. Did I forget to mention that I think I'm in love?

Lets see how fast I can explain my life.

Annoyed because I was forced to get off work early, though I understand why.
-Edited for important reasons-
Wondering if Brian would be angry if I posted a picture of him on my blog.
I'd love to show him off.
Am smiling because of that picture he sent me of him in his cammies a few days ago.
Have to tell Ali about what Jacob did today.
Haven't had time to sign on MSN.
About to go take a shower.
Work 9-5 tomorrow.
Twell be bundles and bundles of fun.
NOT.
K, maybe.
But it's doubtful especially after what Jacob did.
*Sighs*
Sometimes my life really sucks.
Surprised to find that my brother seems to approve of Brian.
Seriously surprised.
-Also edited for important reasons-
Updated my MP3 player.
Have to buy an Itunes gift card sunday so that I can buy some new tunes.
Need to add said tunes to my MP3 player.
HAVE to sit down with dad and find out how much I owe him for my cell bill.
Haven't been able to pay him since I got it.
Sucks majorly.
Paid mom back though, that's good.
Keep coughing.
And coughing.
Still losing my voice.
This is proof I don't talk as much as my parents say I do.
I never lost my voice this offten before I started working at McDonalds.
Hate these allergies.
Had two nose bleeds yesterday.
Almost had one today.
Had to restrant my cousin, Dustin.
He was about ready to strangle his sister, my other cousin, Jessica.
Am listening to songs at random for the most part.
Just like gliding through my Media player and then suddenly clicking on a song, listening to five or six more songs before doing that all over again.
Seriously need to shower, I'm tired of smelling like MickyD's.
Wonder how Jacob's doing.
He's working drive-thru alone.
Poor thing.
Really wish I could have stayed.
We made a great team.



XOXO,
Dollface.

Ugh, this sucks.

I feel it.
Already I'm beginning to feel the worry.
I actually feel sick.
Part of it is due to the fact that I forgot to remind mom to take me to the cherpracter to get my back worked on and so the migrane has flared up again.
Another part is related to that I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose and another sore throat.
But what's really causing all the problems?
Stress.
The stress of the situation with mom.
The stress of the thing with my brother.
The stress of work in general, our busy season offically begun this weekend, twell likely be busy as hell constantly.
The stress of knowing Brian leaves tomorrow to go do some more training before he ships out for Iraq.
The stress of knowing that Aaron leaves this saturday to do some more training for the Army.
And then there's the stress of having not heard from my other friend in the Army, Brendan.
Luckily for me I know he's only in basic training.
So to my knowlage he won't be shipped off any time soon.
Plus Levi(Ethan's older brother) will be graduating from Annapolis soon.
And Ethan leaves for Annapolis in a few weeks.
Seems like everyone I know is leaving for something.
And only one has promised to come home.
But that's okay.
Because the one that promise is the one that'll be in the most dangerous situation.
I swear I'll kick his ass if he doesn't come home to me.

So the worry has just begun.
And it'll get better.
Once I hear from Brian the first time after he leaves, I'll calm down a little more.
Once I hear from Aaron the first time I'll calm down a bit more.
Once the signs of summer begin to vanish I'll begin to calm down only to be extremely worried all over again.
Because just as summer begins to vanish, my birthday shall approch either to fast for my tastes or not fast enough.
And what shall quickly follow that is the knowlage that Brian is offically leaving for Iraq.
That knowlage will surely be what keeps me up at night, on the verge of tears everytime I hear of something involving the war on the news, the thing that'll surely mess up my eating habbits more than they already are.

Yes, the other day when mom unloaded on me?
That was the offical beginning of messed up eating habbits.
Just before that I'd had some minor problems with ordering too much because I felt that hungry only to discover I wasn't.
But I had quickly overcome it just the day before and then mom started talking.
Talking because I needed to know.
Talking because she had to tell someone besides dad.
Talking because she knew I was the only one who'd be able to pull my brother aside and tell him exactly what was happening.
And even as she spoke, I'd found my self chewing a little slower.
My need for food slipping away.
And my hand lowering as I put my food down on the paper and felt tears well up.
All I could do was nod in understanding.
I was too shocked, too worried to think of something to say.
Yet alone the right thing to say.
After she'd gotten up to head back to work, I attempted eating a little more.
Hating to waste the food that I knew we worked hard to prepare daily for customers and for our co-workers.
But also hating to have wasted the money on it if I wasn't going to eat it.
In the end I'd headed back to work, my happiness and joy of earlier that morning still there enough that I thought with a little time I could be happy and jumpy again and that I wouldn't have to face my worries and my fears until I got home.
Of course, I was wrong.
Horribly wrong.

But since then I've found my stomach growling to the point my stomach hurts from hunger, and yet not in the slightiest bit interested in eating.
Knowing I should eat and attempting to.
Only to find my hands shaking like that are now.
Finding my stomach still hurting from hunger but also not too happy with what I'm feeding it.
Nothing's that appealing.
I'll find a thing or two that appeals and the first few bites help but then, I end up leaving half of it on my plate.
And so, I find myself nibbling at a trail-mix breakfest bar.
Annoyed at the wifi which is refusing to work(I'm writting this in wordpad)
And listening to music that is in a way helping to calm me.
But only barely.
Just calming enough that I'm managing to force myself to eat without feeling like I'm going to puke even as my stomach growls for more.
I wonder how much weight I'll lose or gain this time.



XOXO,
Dollface.

(Written at 4 PM, it's currently 5:56 PM.)

WHOO!

Get to call Brian today.
Can't wait.
I get to hear his accent <3
Twell be quite amazing, me thinks.



XOXO,
Dollface

Complications.

Can't anything ever just go right?
Why is it that anytime I think my life is going to be simple and happy it just kinda....falls apart?
Life was stressful, but I had those glimmers of moments that were just so happy and so amazing that I thought "Life sucks right now, but as long as this one light is there, accented by those few others that have always been there, then I'll be okay."
And nothing's really changed the lights are still there.
But now there are opitions.
Opitions I no longer want.
Opitions I don't need.
At one point in time not to long ago I would have loved to have these opitions.
But now?
Oh no, please just no.
I'm happy, Brian makes me happy.
So why can't it be just that simple
Just this next year being:
Work, roleplay, blog, watch TV, read, look forward to letters/emails from Brian, Responding to said letters (Hit repeat)
Go to church, go to lunch, go to home depot, come home, roleplay, blog, watch tv, read, look forward to letters/emails from Brian-etc- (Hit Repeat)
HIT REPEAT.
HIT REPEAT.
HIT REPEAT.
HIT REPEAT.

Why can't it justt be like that?
And then have him come back and have us make places to see each other around my birthday and just be happy together? to just live in the moments that we can be together?.
But no.
Life can't be that simple.
No, Aaron who I knew i'd writting to this summer.
Quite literally grew up.
He added some new photos of him on his myspace today.
And he's grown up.
He no longer has those semi-childish features that you sometimes have up until your college years.
He has the look of a man, not a boy, a man.
It's scary, but oh-my-gosh. He's so friggin' sexy it's not even FUNNY.
And then mom was pointing out some stuff about Ethan and I'm just like "Crap, I don't want these opitions, I don't want these two guys who I've basically given up to be interested. I want life to just be like 'Oh hey, look. I found this amazing guy and these other guys? yeah them? we're friends. But that's okay because I'm happy like this, me and Brian are happy like this."
And....things could still be like that.
But it's a little harder to believe now.
I was so happy.
I was happy with being a little annoyed at mom everytime she'd call Brian my "sweetie" at work.
I was happy with feeling this blush creep into my cheeks everytime she brought him up to my coworkers.
I was happy with coming home and talking to him, even if it's only for a little while and in my mind it really isn't long enough but I'm dealing it with it because he's spending time with other people who matter to him and that's important to.
I was happy.
Stressed, worried, anxious.
But happy.
And now...I'm more stressed and more worried and more....grr.
I just...I want things to be good.
Literally good.
In a way I want an escape route.
But it's not the kind of a escape route that your thinking.
It's the kind of escape route that in my mind isn't a bad thing.
I want the "Your the person I come to no matter what's wrong, no matter how horrible I feel and you make me feel better, your my escape when I feel like I don't have one."
Not the "Oh, I'm in a horrible situation and instead of trying to make things right I want an easy way out and who cares who gets hurt?."
ugh.
Headache.
Tired.
Thrilled to be able to spend lots of time talking to Brian tomorrow.
Need to sleep.
Need to dream.
Hopefully good dreams.
Dreams that'll make me be like 'YAY! (;"
Not "Boo )':"
Lmao, I am so strange.



XOXO,
Dollface.

LOL.

"Is going to dance in the rain and have some fun singing very louding causing the neighbors to be very angry (: [Wishes he was here to join in the fun] SOOOO BBS!"



Love this away message of mine.


XOXO,
Dollface

HI ETHAN!

Oh, I forgot to mention that I saw Ethan today.
During that time I was still happy before break?.
Yeah.
He came in with a group from his school heading in to six flags.
I got a hug and surprised him.
He forgot I worked there.
One of his friends said "You sure are popular here"
When mom came up and talked to him and my brother said something to him too.
It was funny.
But I felt sorry for him.
He walked into McDonalds to get breakfast and got bambarded with "OMG HI ETHAN"'s
And mom telling everyone all about him.
Twas funny, but I still felt bad even though he was grinning from ear to ear.


XOXO,
Dollface.

Happiness turns to gray.

Today started out good.
I awoke at a little after six, slightly annoyed because I didn't need to be up for another forty-five minutes at least. But my arm was bothering me so I needed to change positions.
When I was finally awoken by my alarm clock at seven my mood was slightly regretful only because I'd wished I'd gone to bed a little sooner last night.
But as I began to move around and listen to the music playing on my TV I found myself feeling like I needed to try just a little bit harder to look nice today.
I went in to work to find three buses in the parking lot.
One had already ordered.
The other two were in line.
Twas busy from the begining.
But I was happy.
I'd talked to my mom bit on the way in and the converstation had been good, the kind of converstation that made my pinks turn cheek and made me want to giggle.
I was so happy.
I hadn't been this happy at work in so long.
This kind of happy where you can't seem to stop smiling and even the annoying customers aren't /that/ annoying.
The kind of happy where singing in front of like forty complete strangers while they try to order isn't a big deal, and bouncing on the balls of my feet as I go to and from the place we keep hashbrowns seemed perfectly normal.
It was that kind of happy.
But it changed on break.
When mom was telling me how bad things have gotten.
And this sinking feeling started to take over.
And my feelings of joy and light-headedness of the early converstation were harder to hold on to.
So when I got back from break I was still able to be happy, a little more worried, a little less hyper but still happy.
But then when a customer did something wrong, I was a little more annoyed.
And slowly it got worse, I was cussing under my breath again and the migrane slowly started to build.
But this time the pain killers didn't help any.
And anytime anyone asked me what was wrong, I'd smile and try to be happy. But in the end I was always forced to answer with "Migrane."
It sucks.
Such a good mood wasted.
Brian's logged on, but away at the moment.
Haven't got to talk to him yet today.
Dustin got a myspace.
That makes me happy.



XOXO,
Dollface.

NOTE TO SELF;
REMIND JESS TO SING "I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND" BY THE BEATLES TO DAMON ON THE WAY TO TEXAS.
ALSO, WE MUST BUY SLURPEES, ORANGE FAYGO AND SUSHI. NO EXCUSES. MUST. HAPPEN. OR. ELSE.




XOXO,
Dollface.

*Drool*

LOOKY ALI! LOOKY!
*Drools*
I'm in love <4



XOXO,
Dollface.

I'MMA GANGSTA.

FER REALZ, YO.






XOXO,
Dollface.

NOTE TO SELF: Send this blog to Brian, he needs a good laugh.

White castle moment.

Haha, on the way downstairs I finally figured out what it is.
I'm having a white castle moment.
"LETS BURN THIS MOTHER EFFER DOWN AND GO TO WHITE CASTLE!"
Yup, I'm offically insane.
Lol.



XOXO,
Dollface.

Hello World.

"-Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So i say you’ll.."

Dunno, the song's been on repeat all morning(Well, at least for the part of the morning that I've been awake and at home and not at home and asleep and not at work.)
Came home from work early again today because I wasn't feel good.
Amanda and Justin are really good boss' for being so understanding.
Sucks I had to leave them so short-handed.
We were already short handed to begin with.
But it was either come home or double over in pain and be pretty much useless.
Missing Brian and he hasn't even left yet.
Been reading Ali's blog.
The fight......ugh, there are no words to discribe it.
Yes, I was being a bitch, I'm fully aware of it.
Do I regret it?
Barely.
There's some small part of me that keeps yelling at me for it.
But the rest is just kinda numb, like......'whatever happens, happens'
It's not that I don't care.
It's just that I see myself on that little path that I always end up on at some point.
It's like I take wrong turn and trip and fall and find myself wandering down it.
It's that path of self-distruction.
Not the one where I was like all depressed.
No, I've only ever been on that one once in my entire life.
No, this path is the one where when things start looking really good in my life and things I can't control start falling apart I start ripping the things I can control apart to save my self the agony of watching them slip away.
So it's kinda like...my life was going really good, then crap I can't control started going horribly wrong and so it's just kinda like instead of letting my friends slip away from me I'm just distroying what's there.
I don't want too.
It's never my desire too.
I'll admit, there's one friendship that is ending.
Has ended.
I can't keep dealing with Ashley.
No more, I complained when she did all this crap to me.
But doing it to Kare-bear?
Doing the one thing that everyone knows gets you on my badside?
No, I won't allow it.
I think apart of the problem is so much is changing in my life.
Some for the better, some for the worse.
Like, I have this job that while I'm there the day seems to drag on(Not all the time, but some of the time) But then next thing I know the week is gone and I'm starting all over and now I'm wondering "Where has the month of May gone?."
Which is going to come in handy as soon as Brian's really gone, because I can just bury myself in work and work lots of overtime this summer and the summer will fly by so quick I won't have time to miss him too much...or worry too much.
Thought about him alot when I was at work.
I wonder if somethings wrong.
Usually when I think about someone alot, I either miss them a whole bunch, or I'm worried and something's wrong.
Like...I've been known to get these feelings.
It's difficult to explain but anyways, about the things changing in my life.
I'll be seventeen soon and it feels weird knowing that I won't be joining my friends that graduated this year(I.E. Not going to college this fall)
I kinda feel this ache in my chest when I think about it.
I feel like I'm going to miss out on alot.
And then....there's the thing with Preston and then this thing currently going on with mom that could result in us having to go to court and crap.
And I just...ugh....I don't want to deal with this.
But I don't have a choice.
The worse part is my mom is hurting and there's nothing I can do about it.
Apart of me thinks it's time I finally sit her down and show her all those posts from when I was all depressed but I'm worried that'll only make matters worse.
But I'm finally ready to show them too her, whenever she's ready to read them.
Which could result in me being grounded or something, I don't know.
I really ought to sign on to MSN, Ali might be on.
Don't have the guts to do it.
Well, no that's not true.
I'm worried, worried because it might result in another arguement and this one is likely to be worse.
Yes, friends fight.
But......I can't lose her too.
Like last night after she logged off, I just sorta glanced through Tany's blog.
I haven't been able to do that.
Because like...I came back from being grounded and she was just gone.
And I couldn't bring myself to read the posts she'd made while I was grounded.
I read a few last night.
Commented on one or two.
And then after she logged off, I so wanted to just sign it with a simple "Told you I was a horrible friend."
That would have probably sealed it.
Sealed the deal on the distruction thing.
But as much as I felt the need to do that, I resisted because I don't want to do that.
I don't want to be forced to start a new in a place in my life where things don't need to start over.
As I mentioned before, It's something I have to do when it comes to the Ashley thing.
This summer, starting in June I shall only work one sunday a month in kids church with kare-bear.
And then at the end of the summer we're both quitting being a Junior helper.
Ms. Cari is being very understanding.
Crap, still worried about that.
I bet she's still pissed.
Ugh *head/desk*
Just what I needed to think of.
Dad's home, should probably go downstairs and let him know i'm awake...ah, but he's moving the truck around and I just heard him talking to a man outside...wonder what's going on.
Shall need to go check it out.
Feeling better now but I've still got a migrane.
Or however in the friggin' hell it's spelled.

"Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oh"



XOXO,
Dollface.

"It's like boy meets girl."

It's an odd thing.
How I keep finding Military guys that I get along with.
And isn't even stranger that the most recent one is someone I could easily see myself falling for?.
We'll have to wait and see how this time with him in Iraq and us having limited time to talk goes.
Perhaps things will turn out like we've discussed and when he gets back then after my 18th birthday he'll come visit.
Or perhaps I'll go see him.
It'll depend.
I'm still deadset on going to see Ali in September after my 18th b-day(August 2010)
Course knowing my mom she'll try to talk dad into taking a trip to Vancouver earlier in the year so that I can actually get off to hang out with Brian.
Which wouldn't be too bad.
Go see Ali in the spring of '10 and then in August/september see Brian?. Yeah I could handle that.
Lol.
Hopefully I'll get to talk to him later.
If not there's always tomorrow.
I've known him like a month and already I'm missing him and he hasnt' even left for Iraq yet.
*Sighs*
I wonder where my wifey is.
Was today the day she was going shopping? I don't remember.
I'm sick, hence why I've been online since like noon.
I went in at five and came back at six.
Suckkks.
Still having issues.
Hopefully we can get them taken care of.
I really hope mom feels better soon.



XOXO,
Dollface.
P.S. www.writtenworksofart.blogspot.com

Current top 10.

"It's like Twisted Sister meets Mr. Mister. It's like Rollin' Thunder meets Careless Whisper. It's like Jesus Jones and the Rolling Stones in a game of twister. It's like boy meets girl."
1. Evan Taubenfeld; "Boy Meets Girl"

"I'm so over it, I've been there and back. I've changed all my numbers and just in case your wondering. I've got that new I'm a single girl swag. Got me with my girls and we're singin' it. Nanana, nanana, hey, hey, hey, goodbye."
2. Kristinia DeBarge; "Goodbye"

"But I think you know, what I need. Impossible as it may seem, I think it's easy to see. I am awake, it's getting late. I'm in no state to be alone now. Yeah, I'm alone now. Come light the fire in my room, I think I'm loosin' all control now, I don't even know how."
3. Kate Voegele; "Inside Out"

"Yeah, Girl that girl. She’s bad. Got me goin crazy, Can’t move on, Can’t think. She bad, She bad, She bad, She bad, She bad, She bad. I’m trippin, I’m trippin. She’s bad. Got me goin in circles, Don’t know what to do, She bad."
4. V Factory; "She Bad"

"What You got for me, I wanna see. I've been waiting way to long, Got me losing my cool. Dont know what im gonna do. You got me going, oh. You got me going, oh."
5. Day 26; "Got Me Going"

"Come home, Come home. Cause I’ve been waiting for you, For so long. For so long. And right now there's a war between the vanities, But all i see is you and me. The fight for you is all I’ve ever known. So come home, Oh."
6. One Republic; "Come Home"

"I'm crazy for you and just like a fool. There's no way I can stop, stop, stop to tell you. I'm crazy for you and you know it too. There's no one that can top, top, top your smile. Girl, you got me. Love struck, you got me. Love stuck, girl you got me. Love struck, oh, oh, oh, oh."
7. V Factory; "Love Struck"

"There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna want to make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. It's not about how fast I get there, it's not about what's waitin' on the other side. It's the climb."
8. Miley Cyrus; "The Climb"

"I'm Doctor Love (Love). I'm Doctor Love (Love). Come be my patient (patient), I'll cure without a drug. I'm Doctor Love (Love). I'm Doctor Love (Love). Come be my patient (patient), I'll cure without a drug. I'm Doctor Love."
9. Donnie Klang; "Dr. Love"

"No, I don't believe you. When you say don't come around here no more. I won't remind you, you said we wouldn't be apart. No, I don't believe you. When you say you don't need me anymore. So don't pretend to not love me at all."
10. Pink; "I Don't Believe You"




XOXO,
Dollface.

"Somebody call 911, shorty burnin' on the dance floor"

Anything thing that can go wrong.
Will.

All I can do is sit here and pray that everything turns out okay.
Brian leaves for Iraq in a week, he'll be gone a year.
Aaron leaves for some more training June 1.
Haven't heard from Brendan since he left to join the Army.

Crap just keeps happening.
People I care about at work are being attacked by satan.
Mom's having issues and they aren't even her fault.
Then there's this thing with Preston and....I don't know what's going to happen.
I know we're suppose to be at McDonald's.
There's a reason God wants us there.
But it's hard.
It's really hard to keep going back when crap keeps happening.
Ms.Cari is angry at me.
Maybe not now but she was.
I'm not sure I can wait until after the summer to quit.
I might just make this coming sunday my last day as a Junior Helper.
I said that yesterday was good day.
It wasn't bad.
But all day I was thinking about the look Ms.Cari gave me.
I made the wrong choice.
The one day I decided to be selfish.
To have everyone I wanted right there with me because it was the only thing I was doing for Graduation.
I'm regretting.
It was fun.
But if she doesn't forgive me then what was the point?
I can't stand the thought of someone I respect so much being so angry with me.

Everythings just chaos here at home.
And some of it I can't talk about because it's not my story to tell.
So in a little while I'm going to pick up the bible Pastor Del presented to me yesterday and I'm just going to sit and read for a while.
Then I'll come back and hopefully have someone to talk to, someone who can distract me.
I hope Ali had a better day yesterday than I did.



XOXO,
Dollface.

P.S. Title taken from "Fire Burning" - Sean Kingston

LOL quote of the day.

XOXO,
Dollface

Yup, it's crap.

I really am a horrible friend aren't I?
I just read the last two posts in Ali's blog.
And yet here I am worrying about something that may or may not happen when I should be worrying about something that has happened and is still effecting someone I love very much.
I couldn't blame her if she hated me.



XOXO,
Dollface.

Well, this is crap.

I tried to sleep but couldn't.
I'd finally calmed down enough from all the drama and crap going on at work.
And I thought I'd be able to sleep.
But then I couldn't.
Because my mind drifted to a subject I'd been avoiding.
A subject that mom brought up for the first time.
A subject that had my insides hurting, making me want to cry just listening to mom talk about it.

You see, we had a problem with a customer today who has attempted(possibly succeeded) at stealing food from there at least two times before today.
And attempted it again.
Mom gave her whatever it was and then told her to get out of the drive-thru and to never come back because we'll refuse service to her for stealing from us already.
And mom had pointed out at work that the women was one of Preston's friends.
And she was saying that Preston better not tell her not to worry about it and that she can come back to McDonalds to eat.
Because you never go against family.
And she said that she'd noticed that Preston was starting to choose friends over family and that, that wasn't going to cut it anymore.
And that if it got too bad that she'd have to wipe her hands of him.
And....even now I'm tearing up because I know mom will do it.
Because we don't ever choose friends over family.
We just don't.
And all the suddenly, he might be.
And what happens if the brother I know and love who've like never been pissed at before it's up suddenly being a forbidden topic?
Someone who's family but who we don't like?
I can't....I just can't risk it.
I'll quit my job, I'll do whatever.
I just....I can't loose my brother because what will he do if he doesn't have us? Doesn't have mom?
I know him, he'll end back in prison and I'll probably never him again and then Penny will probably divorce him and get remarried to some loser that'll only want her cause of her acting and shit and then seeing my niece and nephews will be rare pain-filled moments because I'll always remember a happier time.
I can't.
I just....
I can't risk that, any of this.
I just wish Preston would see the mistake he could make.
And that he wouldn't make it.
Because, I can't do this, I can't loose him again. I've delt with him being gone for six months in prison and I can't loose him.
Not again.
I need my bubba.
I need him and I won't choose sides.
I can't choose sides.
I can't choose between who's right and wrong because even though I know he'll be wrong I can't choose mom's side and loose him forever but I can't choose his side and have mom decide that they'll kick me out at 18 and she'll wipe her hands of me too.
I can't, I just can't do this.
But I might have to.
And so I find myself crying while my mother takes a nap.
With a headache, wishing I could sleep.
Wishing that I'd wake up to find it was all a nightmare.
Wishing that I could fix this.
Wishing that I had a distraction.
But the only one I've found is to try on things for tomorrow.
But even that isn't going to keep me distracted for long.


Where's my wifey when I need her?


XOXO,
Dollface.

Friday night boys and friday night noise. Ain't friday the day to come out and play?

"I do what I say and say what I mean
Try to get a grip on the American dream
Sunrise to Sunset Strip I'll be
Workin' to the bone just to try to have a voice
When Friday night comes I'm gonna turn up the noise
Like a good, good, good cowboy."
- Lonstar; Like A Good Cowboy

Went to Dairy Queen tonight.
And it was quite interesting.
Remembering how I needed to grab a jacket before I left the house or else I'd freeze even though it's in the eighties outside they always keep the inside of DQ very cold.
When we pulled up, the sun had maybe another hour left of light to give and the place was busy.
There was severl people I'd never met before.
And several I knew, even if it was just from around town.
It was great just listening to the converstations going on around me as different people would hop up in the silence upon which only converstation was heard and put a quater in the jukebox bring another song to life.
I wish I would have remembered to grab my wallet before I'd left the house, then I could have been one of those people as well.
I remember when this one couple(The boy I knew from when I used to go to church around here and the girl because of her mother) I smiled and he smiled back, she didn't even notice, but his smile lingered longer than it should have.
Almost as if to say; "I'd date you if I could"
I hadn't been in DQ on a friday night in a while.
But being in there reminded me of the old days.
Of coming in there on a friday night after a football game and the place was bustling with families and teenagers alike as they celebrated with a bleezered or some other treat.
Of how it was common to have people sitting at different ends up the building but carrying on a converstation over the noise of everyone else and of the jukebox as it played.
Kids crowding around it in a attempt to pick a song that they could talk their parents into spending a quater on to play.
I would have been one of those kids, but those were nights when mama kept me close to her side.
And then there was the calls of "Hey! -insert name here-" as someone new walked through the door and would usually get distracted from the task of getting in line to go speak to the friends who'd called their attention.
Something smailiar happened tonight.
As I looked out the windows and watched Steven climb out of his truck and move with some amount of excitement to greet his grandparents who had his younger sister with him who is about my age.
They'd come inside and he'd headed to the table with the couple I spoke of earlier, chit-chatting a little while before drifting to the booth over from us to speak to the girls that I saw at the rodeo last weekend and who I was quite sure at least on was on the cheerleadering squad.
It's funny how in such a small town you don't have to put a face to a name.
Because you know everyone's name.
But you don't always know them.
But what you do know, is the gossip that spreads like a wild fire.
That spreads so quickly you don't realize how major the rumor is until the whole town is talking about it and the person or persons involved are hurt or annoyed or pissed, sometimes all three.
I love the small town.
Even with all the drama and the gossip.
It's still an amazing thing.
To live in such a place as this.
To know all the towns little white lies and dirty little secerts.
To be 'in the know' without having to be involved directly.
Everyone's related to someone.
And everyone knows your name, even if you don't know theirs.
But chances are, you do.
You just wouldn't reconigze them if they came up and bit you on the ass.

And so, I end this blog post only because I must sleep.
I am working 5-1 tomorrow.
Hopefully I actually come home at one, but if not then I suppose a nap will be on the meau.
Must offically decide on what to wear tomorrow, I need to have it ready for sunday.



XOXO,
Dollface

"A reason for all that I do."

"And the reason is you."


Dunno, just listening to that song.
But uh yeah.
Might update my lookbook, not sure yet.
Currently surfing through the new stuff.
Found a couple of looks worth hyping.
Also, I think I know what I'm wearing to my Senior Luncheon and it's really, really cute.
Can't wait to take photos and post them on LB.
Annnnd lets see.
I go into work at 2 today.
Won't be back until about midnight.
Get to work with Jacob which will be awesome.
Work 10-5 tomorrow.
I'm not thrilled about that.
Thursday: 5-3
Friday: 5-3
Saturday: 5-1
Sunday: OFF
Me likey saturday.
LOL.
Working 5-3 is a bitch.
Like seriously.
Oh btw, did I mention I'm currently on medication for that allgeric reaction I got?
Yeah, so anytime someone says i'm acting weirder than normal I'm like "I blame it on the medication."
Which is hilarious.
Because then they think I'm doing drugs or something.
And i'm like "DUDE, THE DOCTOR JUST GAVE 'EM TO ME AND THEY'LL BE GONE BY SATURDAY AND THEN I WON'T NEED ANYMORE. HAHAHAHAHAHA."
Idk, tis funny.
But uh...yeah.
Dunno what else to say.




XOXO,
Dollface.

>.<

Was catching up on Ali's blog.
Haven't felt like reading/writting lately.
And so I haven't paid much attention.
I deeply regret that.
Had a very, very crappy day at work.
A thousand times worse then yesterday.
Am in the process of hammering out who's going to my Senior Luncheon and who isn't.
I have many phone calls to make tomorrow and many people to talk to.
(Okay, maybe not that many)
After all, I did contact Ethan today.
Waiting for a reply.
Also spoke with Karrie.
We have to talk to her and her parents tomorrow.
I might have to go to the doctor on monday because my spider bite has gotten worse.
Mom's very concerned.
Happy to know I have two days off.
And then tuesday I work night shift.
Which means I'll be working with Jacob.
Probably going to bed soon.
Took a nap this afternoon.
Like a two hour nap.
Didn't even bother to change out of my uniform.
Just crashed on the couch.
Am very tired.
Headache that started up at like 8-ish this morning is still there.
My throat feels funny.
Hopefully it doesn't get really bad again.
I hate this crap.
Anyways.
Shall sleep very, very soon.
Jacob couldn't come over today because Justin didn't let him work mornings.
But we went back to MickeyD's to get dinner.
And I got a hug.
Annnnd....yeah.
Mom and dad think I could go see the Jonas Brother's for my b-day if I really want too.
Problem is only balcony seats are left unless I win tickets.
Not sure I want to mess with it.
But then....it'd be so cool to do something that's actually on my birthday for once.
And I'd love to take Kare-bear.


XOXO,
Dollface.

GOL MOMENT OF THE DAY

ccscleader15: Yup, she wants ties.

ccscleader15: I'm like "KK"

karmasbadside: Ties?

ccscleader15: Yeah..

ccscleader15: She has to wear ties of some sort to work.

karmasbadside: Like for collared shirts?

ccscleader15: And she doesn't like the ones mcdonald's provides.

karmasbadside: Oohhh, just making sure.

ccscleader15: which is funny, because usually I buy dad ties and he never wears them

ccscleader15: I buy my mom ties? she'll wear 'em.

karmasbadside: XD You should put that in your blog-if you still do it.

karmasbadside: That was hilarious. It made me giggle out loud.

karmasbadside: gol




XOXO,
Dollface

Horrible day, getting better.

Pain in the asses people stealing food at work.
Amber had a heavy box fall on her head so I'm worried about her.
Not working 7-3 tomorrow but 5-1, don't want to get up that early but like getting off early.
Jacob might work tomorrow morning and come over and hang out afterwards(<3)
Also, the rodeo is tonight.
Which will be fun.
Sucks I can't go to the dance afterwards though.
But if Jacob gets to come over then I'll be okay ^_^
Gonna go take a shower soon and start getting ready.
But I'll be online to roleplay and stuff while I'm getting ready.
I'mma take LOTS of pics.
Hopefully tonight is better than today.
And hopefully tomorrow is friggin' awesome.



XOXO,
Dollface

WOAH, I'M GOING TO BE SEVENTEEN SOON.

Who would have thought that an outfit I wore one day would inspire a song?
Said outfit: http://lookbook.nu/look/136594-I-m-the-black-sheep-of-the-family-and-proud-of-it
Said song: http://thecrazylifeofdollface.blogspot.com/2009/05/yuh-im-black-sheep-and-im-proud-of-it-i.html
But uh yeah.
GUESS WHAT.
JUST FOUND ONE REASON ALI WON'T HATE NICK JONAS SO MUCH.
WAS READING MY NEW SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE AND THEY HAD THE GUYS COME UP WITH THEIR SOUNDTRACK FOR THIS SUMMER
AND THE LAST ONE ON NICK'S LIST WAS "WHEN DID YOUR HEART GO MISSING" BY ROONEY.
MY JAW LITERALLY DROPPED MAN.
ALSO, SEVENTEEN IS GIVING AWAY TICKETS TO THEM IN CONCERT.
AND I REALLY WANT TO WIN.
BECAUSE ON AUGUST 13TH THEY'LL BE IN SAN ANTONIO.
THAT'S MY SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY MAN.


XOXO,
Dollface.

Black Sheep.

Yuh, I'm the black sheep
And I'm proud of it
I keep rollin' like this cause I ain't scared of nothin'
Yeah, you keep messin' with me.
And I'll kick ya in the ass and not loose any sleep.
Cause I'm the black sheep of the family.
I ain't got no problems, I just got time.
But I don't commit any crimes.
Cause I'm the black sheep of the family.
I might be a little crazy sometimes.
But that's just the way, just the way, just the way I roll.

Cause I'm the black sheep.
Yeah, Yeah.
Black sheep.
Uh huh, Uh huh.
Black sheep.
Uh huh, uh huh.

You comment my myspace, you comment my photos, you say I ain't got shit on you.
And yet you got problems and a kid to boot.
You say I ain't nothin' but a lazy bitch.
So what'd I do?
I just lean back and say "Bring It On" cause I'm a texas bitch who don't take no shit.

Cause I'mma black sheep.
Uh huh, uh huh.
Black sheep.
Uh huh, uh huh.
Black sheep.
Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Owwwww.



NOTE: Lyrics are subject to change.


Copyright(c) Amy C. 2009.

Don't Ask.

1. Halo - Beyonce
2. Your Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer
3. What A Catch, Donnie - Fall Out Boy
4. Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback
5. Turn It Up - Pillar



XOXO,
Dollface.

UGH.

UGH!UGH!UGH!
DAMMIT.
I WAS HAPPY AND SMILING AND EVERYTHING.
THEN ME AND CHRISTINA GOT ON THE SUBJECT OF A&O
AND NOW I'M SAD.
BECAUSE I KNEW THEY'D STILL END UP LEAVING BUT.....
It's just.....it's....
I didn't think, I knew it was possible, but I didn't think it'd be so soon.
There's no promise that their leaving.
But.....the signs are there.
And it hurts.
Because I don't know how long I'll have them.
Even now I'm on the verge of tears because I know that every minute with them could be our last together.
I remember when Eric left.
It'd been quite sudden.
There'd been much debate about it.
Many discussions but never a set date.
And then one sunday he told us he was leaving after church.
I still miss him.
And.....me and him weren't even as close as me and A&O.
I just.....it sucks, ya know?
To realize that apart of you is about to be missing.
Because their very much a part of me.
I have these little jokes and sayings that I do all the time and they all started because of them.
What am I to do when their all the way in Alaska without a computer and the closet internet access is a library or a cousins house?
What am I to do when I go to church the sunday after they leave with the intention of telling them something hilarious only to find they aren't there?
How am I to deal with that?
To just smile and laugh and pretend everythings okay when on the inside I'll be screaming and wrathing in pain?.
How do I cope with that?
It had been bad on vacation last year when I thought they were gone.
But now it'll be worse.
I'll have to deal with Christina being upset too.
And she'll be a constant reminder of them because she's sure to talk about them as much as she does now.
Even though she hasn't known them long.
She'll still talk about them plenty.
And.....gah, it sucks.
It just sucks so much.
Because I can't.....I can't stand the thought of loosing too of my best friends.
Who will I call when I want to pull a prank on halloween?
Who will go along with my craziest of schemes and won't get pissy because I don't quite like their ideas because they aren't evil enough?
WHO will ever replace them?
No one.
No one ever will.
I don't want anyone too.
But I do want someone.
But I need this someone to be different.
And yet simuliar.
Which is......impossible.
Possible, but impossible.

And.....I'm still dealing with Tany being gone.
It's not as bad for me as it is for Ali.
But I'm in pain because she's in pain.
Because I miss her too.
And.....how am I going to do this?
How am I going to be strong?
Be that rock she leans on?
How can I do that when I'll be crying myself to sleep and wishing to just crawl under a rock and hide away?
How can I deal with this AND the pain of the one year mark of putting Sammy to sleep?

Isn't it bad enough that a couple of nights ago I lay in bed thinking about him and cried?
Isn't it bad enough that I'm crying now? Over nothing and everything?
I just....I wish I knew what to do.
But in the end, all I can do is love them and make sure they know that I'll always love them.
As for the Sammy thing.
It's difficult but I'm dealing.
Because he was my best friend too.
My very first best friend.



XOXO,
Dollface.

Life is chaotic.

Work was just....ugh.
Complicated, fun, annoying, and like so many other things.
I had a moment today where I wished I could just hug Jacob and tell him that everything would be okay, to promise to him that it would be.
But I couldn't lie to him like that.
Even though everything will be.
I don't know how long it'll take for it to be okay.
All I can do is pray and be a good friend to him.


XD.
Chrtistina's post to our Twilight roleplay just made me smile.
I needed that.
I need to smile and forget about today and all the problems.
I need to think of ways to get Jake and them to cover and hang out.
I need to be happy and cheerful and just...me.
But it's diffcult.
So very difficult.
Still haven't heard anything from Ethan.
It worries me.
Sometimes I suck at saying things.
I should have worded that message better.
But I didn't.
And I'm sure I'm screwed.

But ah, this song is so amazing.
I've always loved it.
But lately I've been quite obsessed with it.
"Your Body Is A Wonderland" - John Mayer.
Tis amazing <3

Today was warm and sunny and even though the day at work was somewhat rough I wasn't too tired and so I put on my new bikini and went outside and worked on my tan and started cleaning out my pool.
I have to finish that sometime in the next couple of days.
My section of the garden is doing good so far.
Tomorrow I shall be picking the first strawberry off the bush.
And sometime soon I'll be picking the first bananapepper as well.
I'm not sure how my bellpeppers are going to do though.
I hope they live and produce <3


But uh yeah.
Gonna get to work on my blog "Flame's Inspiration"
It kinda died when I got grounded.



XOXO,
Dollface.

Ooh look.

I'm actually posting something!
LOL.
Yuh, haven't posted anything recently.
Think it has something to do with being sick.
It screwed with my brian.
Wonder how my wifey is doing in there...hm.....
I miss her.
I wonder where she is.
Also, probably gonna post some random graphics I've created.
Maybe update my LB.
You know what's effed up?
I've been wearing cute things lately but by the time I get home I'm too tired to take pictures and in the morning I'm always in a hurry and don't have time to take pictures.
So perhaps today I'll get a pic of what I'm wearing.
It's not the cutest outfit I own, but it's still very cute.
Also, currently in love with "Lollipop" - Framing Hanley
It's badass.


XOXO,
Dollface.

Haha, I should explain things.

Yeah, I just totally realized that I never explained what the whole "*Dies* *Decomposes*" post was about.

Um, do ya'll remember me mention that Aaron would be here for prom?
And that he'd be in San Antonio?
And that I was going to get to meet him?
Well, I didn't find out that he was coming this weekend until he was already here.
So then I couldn't take off of work to go see him yesterday.
But then I took off work anyways because I was sick.
And then even when I started to feel better I didn't have a ride.
But then today I found out that because Preston wasn't feeling good that he probably would have liked it if I'd gone.
But yeah....it's too late now.
He got on a plane at about 4:30 PM heading home to Lousiana.
Hopefully I'll get to meet him sometime within the next year.



XOXO,
Dollface.

Gun & Knife Show/Flea Market

Local Gun & Knife Show/Flea Market that we usually hold twice a year was today and yesterday.
Twas awesome.
Got a badass purse + Wallet/clutch by Coach at a really great price.
The best part? It isn't a knock off! It's the real thing.
And today?
Got to Ethan.
Got hugs from Ethan.
ANNND I find out that he actually pays attention to things I say on myspace.
Which surprised me because most people don't pay attention to that stuff.
But he did and so he asked about my cell phone and about getting my number.
YUH, HE WANT MY NUMBER.
MINE.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!
Oh dear, I hope he doesn't read this.
It would be so embarressing.
But yeah, now I have his number and he has mine.
Which is awesome.
But uh...yeah.
Had a pretty good day considering that I'm still majorly disappointed that I didn't get to meet Aaron.
And I was so close.
So very, very close.
Only an hour away and I still couldn't drive the extra hour to see him.
Because I had to hurry home to see Ethan.

So yeah.
Good times.




XOXO,
Dollface.

*Dies* *Decomposes*

I can't be believe my luck.
I honestly cannot believe my friggin' lucky.
Shit, where's someone who'd be willing to drive me into San Antonio when I need them?




XOXO,
Dollface.

Riverwalk (Part Uno)

As walked across the street towards the mall and we joked about how we weren't in New York, I realized that perhaps today would be a better day than I had thought.
With only four hours of sleep under my belt I couldn't be sure.
But I had hopes of it turning out well.
We walk towards the Alamo and checked out the beginnings of the Tea Party which already had tons of people there before we headed back towards the Riverwalk/Mall.
We argued with dad about rather or not we'd be going shopping on the way to lunch.
I texted Aaron and admired the beauty of the riverwalk, my eyes noticing the waterfall across the river and my nose taking in the scents of the many flowers that lined the paths.
And as I walked, I wished that Ali and Aaron and Tyler could be there.
I wished that I could share this warm day with them.
The wind was cool and sometimes fierce, but the sun was warm on my skin.
Once we had our little buzzer, I insisted on travaling a bit more of the riverwalk so that I could see what I hadn't seen since I was about six.
It was fun to watch the tourists feed the ducks, to smile at the hosts and hostess' who would smile in welcome as we passed their restaurants.
But then we reached a small gift shop and I had the pleasure of trying on some crazy called sun glasses and acting like a gangsta while wearing them to make my parents laugh.
Once we left there we headed back to Casa Rio and not too long after re-arriving our buzzer went off and we got an excellent table right beside the river.
And as I sat there and enjoyed the view, listening to the guides talk on the Rio Taxi's as they passed, I wished that I had remembered the get the camera out of the truck.
I took a view pictures on my cell, most of which didn't turn out.
And so I do not have those pictures to post.




XOXO,
Dollface.

"Doc, there's a hole where something was."

Everything on the inside just kinda shuts down once Tany comes into the converstation.
Simply because I know there's nothing I can really do to help.
I'm too far away to be of any real help.
All I can do is try to think of the words it'll take to ease the pain.
But do such words really exist?
When the pain is so strong, so real.
Do the words exist?
It's hard to believe they do.

I wish I knew what to do.
I wish I could be more of a help.
And I know she hates doing this to me.
Hates making me feel sad.

But if she can't lean on me.
Can't tell me exactly how she feels.
Then who will she lean on?
Who will listen?
If I knew that there was one other person in this world who could do the job, then that'd be one thing.
But the majority of people in this world are totally lame-o's and can't handle the job.
And so I'll do it.
Without complaint.



XOXO,
Dollface.

201!!!!!!!!

LOOKY! LOOKY! LOOKY!
OVER TWO HUNDREN BLOG POSTS!
YAY!



XOXO,
Dollface.


P.S. I'm in a better mood, I should probably reply to the rp with Christina, problem is I need to go to bed now cause I have to get up early. Soooo.....MENTAL NOTE: REPLY TO CHRISTINA'S POST RIGHT AWAY TOMORROW.

DO. IT. NOW.

About the only thing that turned out good today is that I look cute.
I need to go take pics and add them to LB.
Suppose I should do that right now.





XOXO,
Dollface.

"Hell or Glory, I don't want anything in between."

I'm happy knowing that Ali is happy and had a great time.
Maybe not fully happy.
But happier than I have been most of the day.
Some part of me still wishes I could go see FOB in concert, but I know it's too late and there's nothing I can do about it.

Anyways, moms been in a pissy mood all day.
Not totally sure why.
But I do know part of it is because dad had trouble sleeping last night so she had a hard time waking him up this morning so we ended up running a little late.
But it really wasn't such a big deal since we got to church in time for me to do what I needed to do.
Also, she's pissed at me because I was "yelling at her and being a bitch" this morning.
And the only reason I got close to yelling was because I was walking towards my door and my music was up loud and I wanted her to be able to hear me.
But w/e.
If I worry about it too much then I'll just burst into tears or something.
And I can't handle that on top of everything else.
And like, it's not that there's a lot going on it.
It's just that I'm worried about how work is going to go.
Plus I've been so tired lately.
It doesn't make much sense.

Um....gave my pics + song to crystal today(There for the graduation video thingy)
After much debting we were stuck in between two FOB songs and I ended up deciding on "What A Catch, Donnie" even though it's a slow song.
I've just been kinda obsessed with that song recently.
So I decided that was the one to use.

Trying to be happy.
But the happy mood I felt is slowly slipping away.
My mind is so chaotic right now.
Almost like a hurricane.
I'm having difficulty coming up with a post for the RP I'm doin with Christina.
Still need to do the signs for Wednesday.
So I need to go talk to dad about what we want to do.
Problem is mom's in such a pissy mood that we probably can't get her opinion.
I don't think this house has ever been so filled with silence.
Like we've been silent and stuff before.
But not in this way.
There's this stiffness in the air.
Almost like I'm going to sufficate or something.
It was like this in the car after church too.
It's been like this almost all day.
It worries me.
I could almost cry.
Because I know that no matter what I do it won't change the situation.
Mom will still be pissed regardless.

Now even listening to FOB is getting on my nerves.
How strange.
Usually FOB doesn't do this to me.
They did to some extent when I was depressed but that was different.
And I'm not depressed right now.
Well, I am.
But not in the same way that I was before.
Headache is still here.
It's just not as strong.

Wish I knew what to do.



XOXO,
Dollface.

SO MANY '!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

HAHA!



XOXO,
Dollface.

Whoa.

This blog has almost two hundren posts, can you believe that?.
Also, I tried to take a nap early today and I was laying down for like two hours and I think the most I got was like five minutes of sleep.
It totally pisses me off because like I'm soooo tired.
Going to dad's class reunion-ish thing tomorrow.
Should be entertaining.
And this time I'm going to take a picture of what I'm wearing.
Because I'm tired of wearing cute clothes and forgetting to get pics.

But I'll have my cell with me so I'll probably be on MSN like all day tomorrow.
*Hint Hint Nudge Nudge*
I wonder where my wifey is.
I had hopes of her being online today.
But so far no sign of her.
I hope she's okay.




XOXO,
Dollface.

YAY!

WIFEY'S BACK!
SHE'S HOME.
LIKE NOT LITERALLY HOME.
BUT HOME TO ME BECAUSE SHE'S BACK WHERE SHE'S SUPPOSE TO BE.
I.E. BACK WITH ME.
UHH..YEAH THAT WAS CONFUSING BUT ANYWAYS.


SHE'S ONLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ME ISH HAPPY.



TEXT:
OMG, WIFEY'S BACK!!!!
AARON: WHO?
MY WIFEY, THAT'S WHO.
AARON: WHO'S THAT?


WELL, HE'S ABOUT TO FIND OUT.
OOOH YEAH!.
HAHA.


XOXO,
Dollface

Converse + Mini-skirt + "I Bite" Tee + Zebra Stripped Tank = SHOPPING!

Went shopping today.
Bought a pair of black All-Star Converse, A Cute Mini-Skirt, a Purple Tee with this Vampire-ish Smiley face that says "I Bite" and a Spagetti zebra print tank top.
Almost bought this other really cute shirt.
But I didn't want to spend too much money since we're going to San Antonio to go shopping next wednesday.
Me and Aaron started texting at like 6:30 this morning and have been texting more-a-less ever since.
Every once in a while we'll go about hour without texting cause of him being in school and whatnot.
But...yeah, the only reason we aren't texting right this instant is cause my phone is charging.
It has an amazing battery on it <3

Lets see.....
Have to work tomorrow 6-1
About to finish that CD with pics and a song cause I got to take it to church on Sunday.
Um...I miss Ali very, very much.
Dunno where she is.
Work perhaps?
My feet hurt from wearing high-heeled boots while shopping.
Kinda sleepy.
About to reply to the post Christina sent me a couple of days ago.
Toying with the idea of making a video for youtube.
And...yeah.
I guess that's it.



XOXO,
Dollface.

Funny Texting Moments.

HAPPENED JUST NOW:


Me: AND ALL THE GIRLIES SAY HE'S PRETTY FLY FOR A WHITE GUY!
Aaron: No I'm not.
Me: ARE TOO!
Aaron: No.
Me: Yes.
Aaron: I hate that song.
Me: Uh oh....

(I totally just made that song his ringtone, heh heh)


-----------

Me: I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT! AND GUESS WHATS INSIDE IT!
Aaron: A heart?
Me: *Gasp* How did you know?!
Aaron: I just do.
Me: Woow, you must be psychic........either that or your under my bed. Lol. *Gulps*
Aaron: I perfer psycho.





XOXO,
Dollface.

"*Gasp* PASTA! Yum Yum!" - Me

Yeah, I totally just said that when I walked into the Kitchen and saw what was for dinner.
LOL.





XOXO,
Dollface

"WE ARE THE RECKLESS YOUTH!"

Title taken from a song by Pillar.
It sucks that all their CD's were sold out the night before.
Cause that means I didn't get one.
BUUUUUT
Me In Motion signed my CD.
And Seth added something to mine that I don't think he added to anyone elses.
After he signed it he added "<3's U!" and then underlined it!
So yeah, I'm happy about that.
But yeah, the concert was amazing, it totally rocked.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging.
Fireflight also signed my CD and the lead singer told me I should leave my hair the way it is because it's awesome like this when I told her I'd love to do my hair like hers.
The only thing that sucked about last night is the fact that I totally forgot my camera.
But other than that it was totally and epically amazing.

So yeah, I had tons of fun at my first concert.
Hopefully they'll come back this way again <3





XOXO,
Dollface.


P.S. I'll be making a new playlist later due to all the awesome music I heard last night.

New Playlist

A sign of happier times;


1) Serena Ryder; Little Bit Of Red
2) Audrye Sessions; Turn Me Off
3) You, Me And Everyone We Know; Carolina Heat
4) 3OH!3; Holler Till You Pass Out
5) Boys Will Be Boys; That's Whats Up
6) Fall Out Boy; W.A.M.S.
7) The Black Ghosts; Full Moon
8) Mayday Parade; When I Grow Up
9) Tv/Tv; Get It/Get It
10) Me In Motion; You Never Fail Me





XOXO,
Dollface.

Hot Damn.

What are the odds of having two hot guys near by within a couple of weeks?.
Normally I would say those odd's aren't very high.
But I'm surprised to say it's actually happening.
Ethan will be here Sunday, April 19th for the Gun and Knives show.
Aaron will be in the state of Texas sometime within the next month for prom(Long story)
Don't know where in Texas though, which suuuucks.
But I'll find out.
I always do.
LOL.

So yeah, talked to Aaron last night.
We're on good terms.
I haven't gotten the full story out but I will.
I guess you could say I've gotten that closure I needed or w/e.
Cause like it doesn't hurt.
It does to a very minor extent.
Like...when you have a bruise for a really long time and after it fades to more normal colours you'll touch it in such away that it hurts a little?
Yeah, kinda like that.
Not enough for me to be worried.

So I guess I was right.
I guess Wednesday when I was outside enjoying the way the breeze blew in from the south while I picked up the trash in the yard and killed the thistles and thought that things would get better, that no matter how dark it is there will always be a light that'll chase away the clouds and reveal sunny blue skies and bright green grass and pretty yellow flowers.
Things always get better.
It just takes time.
So Ali, it will get better honey.
I know it will.
Because if it doesn't.
I'll stab it in the foot.

Lol.

So now I need to make another playlist.
But this time, it'll be a symbol for the beginning of good times, lots of laughs and plenty of smiles.
This playlist will be happy and more joyful.
A little more up beat and a little less depressing.
Maybe, just maybe I'll get out of this funk I've been in.
And I'll return to being me, completely and honestly me.
Wouldn't that be great?
To be happy and be that rock that everyone loves to lean on?
Yeah, I think that'd be pretty cool.

So even though it's only 10:06 AM and this day's already been like a rollarcoaster.
I'm gonna smile.
I'm gonna believe that today will be a good day.
It doesn't matter that mom's pissed at dad and ranting about it.
It doesn't matter(Well it does but if I think about it I'll get depressed and worried and won't have any fun) that mom didn't listen to me about her finger and now there's a chance she may actually lose it.
It doesn't matter that none of my friends can or will go to the concert with me, I'm content with just my BFF Karrie and my parents.
Today will be a good day.
So will tomorrow.

So yeah, I'll blog more once I've got my playlist done.




XOXO,
Dollface.

Wow.

I can't believe it.
I honestly can't believe it.
Aaron never knew.
Never had any clue.
And now I have to talk to him.
I want too.
He needs to know.
Needs to understand.
I'm so....excited...nervous that I'm jittery.
I wonder if we'll ever be friends again?
I doub it.
It's not likely.
And yet, there's this strange feeling my chset.
A feeling I hadn't thought I'd feel yet.
I'm starting to feel the beginning's of forgiveness.
Because if I can't forgive, then I can't forget and I can't move on.
Perhaps this is good then.
Perhaps it really was all in God's timing.
Maybe...just maybe.
This is perparing me for the future.
Maybe this will make me a better person.
Or maybe just maybe, we're actually meant to be together.
You never can tell, can you?



XOXO,
Dollface.

Headache.

I still have a headache.
Christina can't go to the concert.
Karrie can though <3
Still have two tickets left.
There's a chance that April may go.
But if she won't/can't then I'll talk to A&O and see if they want to join us.
Hoping to meet some cute guys at the concert.
About to go take a shower.
Have to get up at 4:45 AM to get ready for work.
Hopefully my *new* uniform will be in.
I'm sad that I'm not getting to spend much time with Ali today.
But as long as she's happy then I'm happy.
Even if she does get to see Gabe and I don't.
Kinda tired.
Sorta sleepy.
I know those are like the same things, but who cares?
It's my blog and I can say what I want too.
Created a playlist titled; Faves for march/april.
However it's only my faves list for what I have on the computer.
If I had all the music I like on this computer the list would be like FOREVER long.


9:53 PM:
TAKING A SHOWER NOW.
FINISH THIS WHEN I GET BACK!.

10:20 PM:
OUT OF THE SHOWER.

Wow, that was waaaay longer than I expected.
So um yeah...
I'm thinking about sunday, cause sunday is when I'm hoping to get a cell phone.
I really, really hope I do.
You have no idea how long I've wanted one.
I honestly can't wait.



XOXO,
Dollface.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!

Okay, so I've been outside most of the morning doing chores.
I have much to blog about.
However I wanted to post this first.
Because I know that Ali would have perferred me to be online instead of outside doing stuff.
And even though this won't make up for me doing other stuff instead of being online.
I hope it'll help her to know that the entire time I was thinking of her, I was thinking of other stuff too, but she was there in my mind th entire time.
Which is why I took some coal-y type stuff from the burn pile and wrote this on a rock;




XOXO,
Dollface.

YAY!

KARRIE CAN GO TO THE CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAY!YAY!YAY!YAY!YAY!

YES, I AM EXTREMELY HAPPY.
DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
NO?
GOOD.


LOL.




XOXO,
Dollface.


P.S. Just noticed, today is my last chance to post in the month of March.

LOOK WHAT I FOUND SUNDAY!!

That's right! I'm a recent top listener for Chase Coy!!!!
Love him <3
And I'm still a top listener! I just checked!.


So yeah. I'm happy :)


MOST LISTENED TO(According to Last.Fm){Songs}; Overall:

1. Taylor Swift; Love Story ~29~
2. Chase Coy; Mockingbird(Demo) ~22~
3. Chase Coy; Lullaby ~20~


MOST LISTENED TO(According to Last.Fm.){Artists}; Overall:

1. Fall Out Boy ~138~
2. Chase Coy ~114~
3. Cobra Starship ~107~


So yeah.
I might make a playlist in a little while.
I'm not too sure yet.

SONG I HAVE TO GET:

The White Tie Affair; Candle(Sick and Tired)



OH! and did I mention Ali recorded Say Anything at the concert for me?? I can't wait to see it <4




XOXO,
Dollface.

Yuck.

Just had a sandwich.
Drank some dr.pepper from last night.
And it tasted like puke.
SO yeah.
I'm trying to get that taste out of my mouth.


Um, lets see.
Can't wait for the concert on Saturday.
Christina has confirmed that she can go.
Karrie's mom just needs a little more info before she totally agrees to it. (but the chances of her saying no are so low that I might as well say Kare-bare is going)
And then...I need to invite someone else.
I'm just not sure who.

Oh I'm like in love with the RP me and Christina are doing.
Also, my wifey is having a birthday tomorrow <3
Um...yeah.
I'll probably blog about music in a minute.



XOXO,
Dollface

WHOFE MIRA! I'FE MIRA!

So now that I've had some time to think about what I want to say I guess I should tell ya'll that the lock-in was awesome.
My ribs are sore from a combonation of running and laughing alot.
We played all sorts of games.
Including live mafia and the mexican name game.
Can't wait to teach my friends so we can all play together.
It'll be awesome.

Swayze is hilarious, like seriously.
He's the one that introduced us to the mexican name game and the ball game.
Both were awesome and yet funny as well.
We also played this game called Eagles Nest which is smiliar to capture the flag and like yeah....I'll blog more tomorrow.

Cause I have to get up at 3:45 AM to get ready for work so I really, really ought to go to bed.
Love ya'll!




XOXO,
Dollface

Will Upload Pictures Later.

Really tired.
Don't have much else to say.
As much as I hate to admit it I'll probably be going to bed soon since I had to get up at like....3:45 AM in the morning to get ready to work.
Um, the parents have been outside since like we got home.
I've been in my room, attempting to sleep.
And yeah....
If all goes according to plan then I should have a brand new cell phone in hand by this time next sunday!!! <3





XOXO,
Dollface.

HE WILL REMEMBER ME SOMEDAY! MUWHAHAHAHA

Just got back from visiting with Sandy & her Fam.
Going to leave for the Lock-in soon.

Twas funny, but saddening;
Me: "Hi Jonathan."
Him: *Weird look*
Me: "It is Jonathan....right?"
Him: *Nods* "I'm just trying to remember who you are."
Me: *Jaw drops* "It's Amy!"
Him: "Uh...yeah, I'm just going to pretend I know you."
Me: *Bites lower lip but gives thumbs up* "Okay, that works."

But yeah, his older brother(James -Yes, he was out in the sunlight-)/his mom(Sandy) totally remember me.
So um....yeah, Jonathan is looking pretty damn spiffy. (;



Edit-Also, as we were leaving I thought about how we(Me & John) used to watch this disney cartoon with ducks together in our PJS when we were like....six.
It seriously made me LOL.




XOXO,
Dollface.

Kinda tired.
And yet I'm not.
Really excited...yeah, definately excited.
Might get to see Jonathan today(You know, that guy? the one that's moving back? Yeah, him)
Have the lock-in to go too.
Looks like I'm going after all.
Currently wondering where Ali is.
It sucks that I won't be on much today, because today is the day that she was finally going to attempt to be here to spend time with me.
Problem is we've had today basically booked for over two weeks now.

Speaking of that, just got back from the bank lunchon thing about an hour ago.
They had hamburgers.
Which sucked because I'm like "DUDE, I EAT THESE AT WORK!"
That and the fact that the hamburgers weren't even that good and the person who made the homemade buns totally forgot to add something, I'm just not sure what exactly.
Umm....so yeah.
I need to finish packing.
Also, I really ought to take a picture of what I'm wearing today, it's super cute and totally deserves to be on LB.



XOXO,
Dollface.

"Black dress with the tights underneath."

About to crash.
My eyelids are drooping.
Christina kept yelling at me to go to bed.
So I'm about to go.
You should totally check out my status on FB though.
Tis funny.
However you may not get it since it's kind of a inside joke.
Anyways.
Um...going to do everything in my power to go to the lock-in tomorrow night.
I really would like to go.
And if I do then I'll take tons of pictures.
Should be leaving at about 5:30/6:00 PM tomorrow evening to go to that.
Ought to be back by 4 PM on Sunday.

And....I need to figure out who else to invite to the concert.
So yeah, I'll see you guys in the morning.



-Top Five Listened(Last.Fm)-
1. Escape The Fate; Smooth.
2. Chase Coy; Mockingbird (Demo)
3. There For Tomorrow; Ice Box.
4. Danger Is My Middle Name; Goodbye Skyline.
5. Breathe Carolina; See You Again.
-End-



XOXO,
Dollface.

P.S. Totally going to use this blog title for something on LB. Also, the title is lyrics from the song; "Don't Trust Me" - 3Oh!3

Most Listened Too(According to Last.FM) {Songs}

Last 3 months:

TIED 1:
Fall Out Boy; What A Catch, Donnie. ~15~
Fall Out Boy; Tiffany Blews. ~15~

2:
Chase Coy; Mockingbird (Demo) ~14~

TIED 3:
Fall Out Boy; w.a.m.s. ~13~
Fall Out Boy; West Coast Smoker ~13~
Fall Out Boy; Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet ~13~

TIED 4:
Cobra Starship; Guilty Pleasure ~12~
Cobra Starship; The City Is At War ~12~
All Time Low; Dear Maria, Count Me In. ~12~
Chase Coy; Summers Song (Old Verison) ~12~
Chase Coy; Lullaby ~12~



Last 7 days:

TIED 1:
Escape The Fate; Smooth ~3~
There For Tomorrow; Ice Box ~3~

TIED 2:
Fall Out Boy; w.a.m.s. ~2~
Four Year Strong; Love Song ~2~
Danger Is My Middle Name; Goodbye Skyline ~2~
Iron & Wine; Flightless Bird, American Mouth ~2~
Fall Out Boy; Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet ~2~
The Sleeping; Don't Hold Back ~2~
Mayday Parade; When I Grow up ~2~
A Day To Remember; Over My Head(Cable Car) ~2~
The Black Ghosts; Full Moon ~2~


And.....yeah.
There's millions of others.
I just don't feel like writting them down at the moment.




XOXO,
Dollface.


P.S. Will probably update this again later.

IS IT GETTIN' HOT IN HERE OR IS IT JUST ME?!

- 3Oh!3; Holler Till You Pass Out.

Totally love that song.
Anyways.

Just signed on.
Because this was one of the first three sites to pop into my head when I was trying to decide where I wanted to go first on the internet.
So now I'm here.
And I'm not quite sure what to talk about.

Um...I'm about to pick out what I'll probably wear to the lock-in(If I still get to go)
I have plans of studying the little book I got today sense I'm being promoted.
I'm toying with the idea of making a video since I haven't made one in ages.
Might call Christina just to see what she's doing.
Preston's suppose to come over later so that we can see Natalie walk.
Appearently she likes to walk sideways, like a crab.

XD
THAT JUST MADE ME THINK OF THAT THING.
THAT SMILEY THING.
ON YAHOO/MSN THAT ALI ALWAYS SEND ME
OF THAT CRAB.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.


"Two Filish" - Amber

"So is that a tea shirt now?" *Grins* - Kevin.


Okay, so the last quote was taking from when I spilled tea all down my shirt the other day at work and Kevin was laughing and then out of no where he was like "So is that a tea shirt now?"

It was pretty funny.
Corny, but funny.




XOXO,
Dollface

w00t

Click to make it bigger (;

Meh, things are normal now.

Some how we transitationed from being pissed as hell to being more calm and kidding.
Have no clue how long it'll last.
I'm hungry from all this talk about food.
Not sure what to say or do.
Suppose I'll wing it.



XOXO,
Dollface

"How we're all alone."

Irrated.
Angry.
On the verge of tears.
Headache.
Blank.
Confused.
Unhappy.
Tired.
Bored.


Those are just a few words I'd use to discribe me at the moment.
So much I could say.
So much I won't say.
So much I should say.
So much emotion.
So little emotion.
So many effing things.
And yet none make any sense.
My mind is jumble of little pieces.
Each piece belongs to a different puzzle.
Problem is, I've lost the rest of the pieces.
And if I had them all.
It'd create the bigger picture.
The picture upon which I've lost sight.
I can vaguely see the dream I had about going to see Ali next year.
I can vaguely see the worry about this weekend.
I can vaguely make out the annoyance that no matter what I do, nothing goes right.


Just because I know and see people all the time.
Doesn't mean that I'm not alone.



XOXO,
Dollface