Well, this is crap.

I tried to sleep but couldn't.
I'd finally calmed down enough from all the drama and crap going on at work.
And I thought I'd be able to sleep.
But then I couldn't.
Because my mind drifted to a subject I'd been avoiding.
A subject that mom brought up for the first time.
A subject that had my insides hurting, making me want to cry just listening to mom talk about it.

You see, we had a problem with a customer today who has attempted(possibly succeeded) at stealing food from there at least two times before today.
And attempted it again.
Mom gave her whatever it was and then told her to get out of the drive-thru and to never come back because we'll refuse service to her for stealing from us already.
And mom had pointed out at work that the women was one of Preston's friends.
And she was saying that Preston better not tell her not to worry about it and that she can come back to McDonalds to eat.
Because you never go against family.
And she said that she'd noticed that Preston was starting to choose friends over family and that, that wasn't going to cut it anymore.
And that if it got too bad that she'd have to wipe her hands of him.
And....even now I'm tearing up because I know mom will do it.
Because we don't ever choose friends over family.
We just don't.
And all the suddenly, he might be.
And what happens if the brother I know and love who've like never been pissed at before it's up suddenly being a forbidden topic?
Someone who's family but who we don't like?
I can't....I just can't risk it.
I'll quit my job, I'll do whatever.
I just....I can't loose my brother because what will he do if he doesn't have us? Doesn't have mom?
I know him, he'll end back in prison and I'll probably never him again and then Penny will probably divorce him and get remarried to some loser that'll only want her cause of her acting and shit and then seeing my niece and nephews will be rare pain-filled moments because I'll always remember a happier time.
I can't.
I just....
I can't risk that, any of this.
I just wish Preston would see the mistake he could make.
And that he wouldn't make it.
Because, I can't do this, I can't loose him again. I've delt with him being gone for six months in prison and I can't loose him.
Not again.
I need my bubba.
I need him and I won't choose sides.
I can't choose sides.
I can't choose between who's right and wrong because even though I know he'll be wrong I can't choose mom's side and loose him forever but I can't choose his side and have mom decide that they'll kick me out at 18 and she'll wipe her hands of me too.
I can't, I just can't do this.
But I might have to.
And so I find myself crying while my mother takes a nap.
With a headache, wishing I could sleep.
Wishing that I'd wake up to find it was all a nightmare.
Wishing that I could fix this.
Wishing that I had a distraction.
But the only one I've found is to try on things for tomorrow.
But even that isn't going to keep me distracted for long.


Where's my wifey when I need her?


XOXO,
Dollface.