NO MORE BLOGGERZ FOR DA WIFEY.
CAN YOUSA BELIEVEZ THAT?.
Haha, yeah.
I've been feeling gangsta-ish all day.
And appearently Ali is discontinuing her blog until further notice.
Hmmm......I wonder why.
But I won't push the subject.
It's her choice.
Not mine.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
NEW MOON TRAILAR COMING OUT TONIGHT!
Also;
"HOLY FLANNEL SHIRT" - Mom's new favorite saying.
So yeah, I'm watching the MTV movie awards.
It rocks.
XOXO,
Dollface
"HOLY FLANNEL SHIRT" - Mom's new favorite saying.
So yeah, I'm watching the MTV movie awards.
It rocks.
XOXO,
Dollface
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Tickets.
Hey, I just noticed that the Blink-182 concert tickets are now on sell.
I bet my wifey is very, very happy about that.
XOXO,
Dollface.
I bet my wifey is very, very happy about that.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Friday, May 29, 2009
"I've never wanted anything as much as you."
Downloaded some music off Myspace the other day.
Walked into my room after getting out of the shower to find "As Much As You" playing.
I really, really like this song.
I hadn't really gave it a listen.
I'm glad I walked in to find it playing.
Exact info on it:
Colin Munroe; "As Much As You(Feat. Blaqstarr)" - Colin Munroe is the Unsung Hero.
Hmm, this one is pretty good too.
Colin Munroe; "Fever(Remix)" - Colin Munroe is the Unsung Hero.
Must add these songs to my MP3 player tomorrow, or maybe sunday.
Apprently Colin Munroe did a song with Kanye West.
Which is cool.
But funny because his myspace says like "Altertive rock" and I think "Hip hop"
Anyways.
Going to bed soon.
XOXO,
Dollface.
P.S. Did I forget to mention that I think I'm in love?
Walked into my room after getting out of the shower to find "As Much As You" playing.
I really, really like this song.
I hadn't really gave it a listen.
I'm glad I walked in to find it playing.
Exact info on it:
Colin Munroe; "As Much As You(Feat. Blaqstarr)" - Colin Munroe is the Unsung Hero.
Hmm, this one is pretty good too.
Colin Munroe; "Fever(Remix)" - Colin Munroe is the Unsung Hero.
Must add these songs to my MP3 player tomorrow, or maybe sunday.
Apprently Colin Munroe did a song with Kanye West.
Which is cool.
But funny because his myspace says like "Altertive rock" and I think "Hip hop"
Anyways.
Going to bed soon.
XOXO,
Dollface.
P.S. Did I forget to mention that I think I'm in love?
Lets see how fast I can explain my life.
Annoyed because I was forced to get off work early, though I understand why.
-Edited for important reasons-
Wondering if Brian would be angry if I posted a picture of him on my blog.
I'd love to show him off.
Am smiling because of that picture he sent me of him in his cammies a few days ago.
Have to tell Ali about what Jacob did today.
Haven't had time to sign on MSN.
About to go take a shower.
Work 9-5 tomorrow.
Twell be bundles and bundles of fun.
NOT.
K, maybe.
But it's doubtful especially after what Jacob did.
*Sighs*
Sometimes my life really sucks.
Surprised to find that my brother seems to approve of Brian.
Seriously surprised.
-Also edited for important reasons-
Updated my MP3 player.
Have to buy an Itunes gift card sunday so that I can buy some new tunes.
Need to add said tunes to my MP3 player.
HAVE to sit down with dad and find out how much I owe him for my cell bill.
Haven't been able to pay him since I got it.
Sucks majorly.
Paid mom back though, that's good.
Keep coughing.
And coughing.
Still losing my voice.
This is proof I don't talk as much as my parents say I do.
I never lost my voice this offten before I started working at McDonalds.
Hate these allergies.
Had two nose bleeds yesterday.
Almost had one today.
Had to restrant my cousin, Dustin.
He was about ready to strangle his sister, my other cousin, Jessica.
Am listening to songs at random for the most part.
Just like gliding through my Media player and then suddenly clicking on a song, listening to five or six more songs before doing that all over again.
Seriously need to shower, I'm tired of smelling like MickyD's.
Wonder how Jacob's doing.
He's working drive-thru alone.
Poor thing.
Really wish I could have stayed.
We made a great team.
XOXO,
Dollface.
-Edited for important reasons-
Wondering if Brian would be angry if I posted a picture of him on my blog.
I'd love to show him off.
Am smiling because of that picture he sent me of him in his cammies a few days ago.
Have to tell Ali about what Jacob did today.
Haven't had time to sign on MSN.
About to go take a shower.
Work 9-5 tomorrow.
Twell be bundles and bundles of fun.
NOT.
K, maybe.
But it's doubtful especially after what Jacob did.
*Sighs*
Sometimes my life really sucks.
Surprised to find that my brother seems to approve of Brian.
Seriously surprised.
-Also edited for important reasons-
Updated my MP3 player.
Have to buy an Itunes gift card sunday so that I can buy some new tunes.
Need to add said tunes to my MP3 player.
HAVE to sit down with dad and find out how much I owe him for my cell bill.
Haven't been able to pay him since I got it.
Sucks majorly.
Paid mom back though, that's good.
Keep coughing.
And coughing.
Still losing my voice.
This is proof I don't talk as much as my parents say I do.
I never lost my voice this offten before I started working at McDonalds.
Hate these allergies.
Had two nose bleeds yesterday.
Almost had one today.
Had to restrant my cousin, Dustin.
He was about ready to strangle his sister, my other cousin, Jessica.
Am listening to songs at random for the most part.
Just like gliding through my Media player and then suddenly clicking on a song, listening to five or six more songs before doing that all over again.
Seriously need to shower, I'm tired of smelling like MickyD's.
Wonder how Jacob's doing.
He's working drive-thru alone.
Poor thing.
Really wish I could have stayed.
We made a great team.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Ugh, this sucks.
I feel it.
Already I'm beginning to feel the worry.
I actually feel sick.
Part of it is due to the fact that I forgot to remind mom to take me to the cherpracter to get my back worked on and so the migrane has flared up again.
Another part is related to that I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose and another sore throat.
But what's really causing all the problems?
Stress.
The stress of the situation with mom.
The stress of the thing with my brother.
The stress of work in general, our busy season offically begun this weekend, twell likely be busy as hell constantly.
The stress of knowing Brian leaves tomorrow to go do some more training before he ships out for Iraq.
The stress of knowing that Aaron leaves this saturday to do some more training for the Army.
And then there's the stress of having not heard from my other friend in the Army, Brendan.
Luckily for me I know he's only in basic training.
So to my knowlage he won't be shipped off any time soon.
Plus Levi(Ethan's older brother) will be graduating from Annapolis soon.
And Ethan leaves for Annapolis in a few weeks.
Seems like everyone I know is leaving for something.
And only one has promised to come home.
But that's okay.
Because the one that promise is the one that'll be in the most dangerous situation.
I swear I'll kick his ass if he doesn't come home to me.
So the worry has just begun.
And it'll get better.
Once I hear from Brian the first time after he leaves, I'll calm down a little more.
Once I hear from Aaron the first time I'll calm down a bit more.
Once the signs of summer begin to vanish I'll begin to calm down only to be extremely worried all over again.
Because just as summer begins to vanish, my birthday shall approch either to fast for my tastes or not fast enough.
And what shall quickly follow that is the knowlage that Brian is offically leaving for Iraq.
That knowlage will surely be what keeps me up at night, on the verge of tears everytime I hear of something involving the war on the news, the thing that'll surely mess up my eating habbits more than they already are.
Yes, the other day when mom unloaded on me?
That was the offical beginning of messed up eating habbits.
Just before that I'd had some minor problems with ordering too much because I felt that hungry only to discover I wasn't.
But I had quickly overcome it just the day before and then mom started talking.
Talking because I needed to know.
Talking because she had to tell someone besides dad.
Talking because she knew I was the only one who'd be able to pull my brother aside and tell him exactly what was happening.
And even as she spoke, I'd found my self chewing a little slower.
My need for food slipping away.
And my hand lowering as I put my food down on the paper and felt tears well up.
All I could do was nod in understanding.
I was too shocked, too worried to think of something to say.
Yet alone the right thing to say.
After she'd gotten up to head back to work, I attempted eating a little more.
Hating to waste the food that I knew we worked hard to prepare daily for customers and for our co-workers.
But also hating to have wasted the money on it if I wasn't going to eat it.
In the end I'd headed back to work, my happiness and joy of earlier that morning still there enough that I thought with a little time I could be happy and jumpy again and that I wouldn't have to face my worries and my fears until I got home.
Of course, I was wrong.
Horribly wrong.
But since then I've found my stomach growling to the point my stomach hurts from hunger, and yet not in the slightiest bit interested in eating.
Knowing I should eat and attempting to.
Only to find my hands shaking like that are now.
Finding my stomach still hurting from hunger but also not too happy with what I'm feeding it.
Nothing's that appealing.
I'll find a thing or two that appeals and the first few bites help but then, I end up leaving half of it on my plate.
And so, I find myself nibbling at a trail-mix breakfest bar.
Annoyed at the wifi which is refusing to work(I'm writting this in wordpad)
And listening to music that is in a way helping to calm me.
But only barely.
Just calming enough that I'm managing to force myself to eat without feeling like I'm going to puke even as my stomach growls for more.
I wonder how much weight I'll lose or gain this time.
XOXO,
Dollface.
(Written at 4 PM, it's currently 5:56 PM.)
Already I'm beginning to feel the worry.
I actually feel sick.
Part of it is due to the fact that I forgot to remind mom to take me to the cherpracter to get my back worked on and so the migrane has flared up again.
Another part is related to that I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose and another sore throat.
But what's really causing all the problems?
Stress.
The stress of the situation with mom.
The stress of the thing with my brother.
The stress of work in general, our busy season offically begun this weekend, twell likely be busy as hell constantly.
The stress of knowing Brian leaves tomorrow to go do some more training before he ships out for Iraq.
The stress of knowing that Aaron leaves this saturday to do some more training for the Army.
And then there's the stress of having not heard from my other friend in the Army, Brendan.
Luckily for me I know he's only in basic training.
So to my knowlage he won't be shipped off any time soon.
Plus Levi(Ethan's older brother) will be graduating from Annapolis soon.
And Ethan leaves for Annapolis in a few weeks.
Seems like everyone I know is leaving for something.
And only one has promised to come home.
But that's okay.
Because the one that promise is the one that'll be in the most dangerous situation.
I swear I'll kick his ass if he doesn't come home to me.
So the worry has just begun.
And it'll get better.
Once I hear from Brian the first time after he leaves, I'll calm down a little more.
Once I hear from Aaron the first time I'll calm down a bit more.
Once the signs of summer begin to vanish I'll begin to calm down only to be extremely worried all over again.
Because just as summer begins to vanish, my birthday shall approch either to fast for my tastes or not fast enough.
And what shall quickly follow that is the knowlage that Brian is offically leaving for Iraq.
That knowlage will surely be what keeps me up at night, on the verge of tears everytime I hear of something involving the war on the news, the thing that'll surely mess up my eating habbits more than they already are.
Yes, the other day when mom unloaded on me?
That was the offical beginning of messed up eating habbits.
Just before that I'd had some minor problems with ordering too much because I felt that hungry only to discover I wasn't.
But I had quickly overcome it just the day before and then mom started talking.
Talking because I needed to know.
Talking because she had to tell someone besides dad.
Talking because she knew I was the only one who'd be able to pull my brother aside and tell him exactly what was happening.
And even as she spoke, I'd found my self chewing a little slower.
My need for food slipping away.
And my hand lowering as I put my food down on the paper and felt tears well up.
All I could do was nod in understanding.
I was too shocked, too worried to think of something to say.
Yet alone the right thing to say.
After she'd gotten up to head back to work, I attempted eating a little more.
Hating to waste the food that I knew we worked hard to prepare daily for customers and for our co-workers.
But also hating to have wasted the money on it if I wasn't going to eat it.
In the end I'd headed back to work, my happiness and joy of earlier that morning still there enough that I thought with a little time I could be happy and jumpy again and that I wouldn't have to face my worries and my fears until I got home.
Of course, I was wrong.
Horribly wrong.
But since then I've found my stomach growling to the point my stomach hurts from hunger, and yet not in the slightiest bit interested in eating.
Knowing I should eat and attempting to.
Only to find my hands shaking like that are now.
Finding my stomach still hurting from hunger but also not too happy with what I'm feeding it.
Nothing's that appealing.
I'll find a thing or two that appeals and the first few bites help but then, I end up leaving half of it on my plate.
And so, I find myself nibbling at a trail-mix breakfest bar.
Annoyed at the wifi which is refusing to work(I'm writting this in wordpad)
And listening to music that is in a way helping to calm me.
But only barely.
Just calming enough that I'm managing to force myself to eat without feeling like I'm going to puke even as my stomach growls for more.
I wonder how much weight I'll lose or gain this time.
XOXO,
Dollface.
(Written at 4 PM, it's currently 5:56 PM.)
Monday, May 25, 2009
WHOO!
Get to call Brian today.
Can't wait.
I get to hear his accent <3
Twell be quite amazing, me thinks.
XOXO,
Dollface
Can't wait.
I get to hear his accent <3
Twell be quite amazing, me thinks.
XOXO,
Dollface
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Complications.
Can't anything ever just go right?
Why is it that anytime I think my life is going to be simple and happy it just kinda....falls apart?
Life was stressful, but I had those glimmers of moments that were just so happy and so amazing that I thought "Life sucks right now, but as long as this one light is there, accented by those few others that have always been there, then I'll be okay."
And nothing's really changed the lights are still there.
But now there are opitions.
Opitions I no longer want.
Opitions I don't need.
At one point in time not to long ago I would have loved to have these opitions.
But now?
Oh no, please just no.
I'm happy, Brian makes me happy.
So why can't it be just that simple
Just this next year being:
Work, roleplay, blog, watch TV, read, look forward to letters/emails from Brian, Responding to said letters (Hit repeat)
Go to church, go to lunch, go to home depot, come home, roleplay, blog, watch tv, read, look forward to letters/emails from Brian-etc- (Hit Repeat)
HIT REPEAT.
HIT REPEAT.
HIT REPEAT.
HIT REPEAT.
Why can't it justt be like that?
And then have him come back and have us make places to see each other around my birthday and just be happy together? to just live in the moments that we can be together?.
But no.
Life can't be that simple.
No, Aaron who I knew i'd writting to this summer.
Quite literally grew up.
He added some new photos of him on his myspace today.
And he's grown up.
He no longer has those semi-childish features that you sometimes have up until your college years.
He has the look of a man, not a boy, a man.
It's scary, but oh-my-gosh. He's so friggin' sexy it's not even FUNNY.
And then mom was pointing out some stuff about Ethan and I'm just like "Crap, I don't want these opitions, I don't want these two guys who I've basically given up to be interested. I want life to just be like 'Oh hey, look. I found this amazing guy and these other guys? yeah them? we're friends. But that's okay because I'm happy like this, me and Brian are happy like this."
And....things could still be like that.
But it's a little harder to believe now.
I was so happy.
I was happy with being a little annoyed at mom everytime she'd call Brian my "sweetie" at work.
I was happy with feeling this blush creep into my cheeks everytime she brought him up to my coworkers.
I was happy with coming home and talking to him, even if it's only for a little while and in my mind it really isn't long enough but I'm dealing it with it because he's spending time with other people who matter to him and that's important to.
I was happy.
Stressed, worried, anxious.
But happy.
And now...I'm more stressed and more worried and more....grr.
I just...I want things to be good.
Literally good.
In a way I want an escape route.
But it's not the kind of a escape route that your thinking.
It's the kind of escape route that in my mind isn't a bad thing.
I want the "Your the person I come to no matter what's wrong, no matter how horrible I feel and you make me feel better, your my escape when I feel like I don't have one."
Not the "Oh, I'm in a horrible situation and instead of trying to make things right I want an easy way out and who cares who gets hurt?."
ugh.
Headache.
Tired.
Thrilled to be able to spend lots of time talking to Brian tomorrow.
Need to sleep.
Need to dream.
Hopefully good dreams.
Dreams that'll make me be like 'YAY! (;"
Not "Boo )':"
Lmao, I am so strange.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Why is it that anytime I think my life is going to be simple and happy it just kinda....falls apart?
Life was stressful, but I had those glimmers of moments that were just so happy and so amazing that I thought "Life sucks right now, but as long as this one light is there, accented by those few others that have always been there, then I'll be okay."
And nothing's really changed the lights are still there.
But now there are opitions.
Opitions I no longer want.
Opitions I don't need.
At one point in time not to long ago I would have loved to have these opitions.
But now?
Oh no, please just no.
I'm happy, Brian makes me happy.
So why can't it be just that simple
Just this next year being:
Work, roleplay, blog, watch TV, read, look forward to letters/emails from Brian, Responding to said letters (Hit repeat)
Go to church, go to lunch, go to home depot, come home, roleplay, blog, watch tv, read, look forward to letters/emails from Brian-etc- (Hit Repeat)
HIT REPEAT.
HIT REPEAT.
HIT REPEAT.
HIT REPEAT.
Why can't it justt be like that?
And then have him come back and have us make places to see each other around my birthday and just be happy together? to just live in the moments that we can be together?.
But no.
Life can't be that simple.
No, Aaron who I knew i'd writting to this summer.
Quite literally grew up.
He added some new photos of him on his myspace today.
And he's grown up.
He no longer has those semi-childish features that you sometimes have up until your college years.
He has the look of a man, not a boy, a man.
It's scary, but oh-my-gosh. He's so friggin' sexy it's not even FUNNY.
And then mom was pointing out some stuff about Ethan and I'm just like "Crap, I don't want these opitions, I don't want these two guys who I've basically given up to be interested. I want life to just be like 'Oh hey, look. I found this amazing guy and these other guys? yeah them? we're friends. But that's okay because I'm happy like this, me and Brian are happy like this."
And....things could still be like that.
But it's a little harder to believe now.
I was so happy.
I was happy with being a little annoyed at mom everytime she'd call Brian my "sweetie" at work.
I was happy with feeling this blush creep into my cheeks everytime she brought him up to my coworkers.
I was happy with coming home and talking to him, even if it's only for a little while and in my mind it really isn't long enough but I'm dealing it with it because he's spending time with other people who matter to him and that's important to.
I was happy.
Stressed, worried, anxious.
But happy.
And now...I'm more stressed and more worried and more....grr.
I just...I want things to be good.
Literally good.
In a way I want an escape route.
But it's not the kind of a escape route that your thinking.
It's the kind of escape route that in my mind isn't a bad thing.
I want the "Your the person I come to no matter what's wrong, no matter how horrible I feel and you make me feel better, your my escape when I feel like I don't have one."
Not the "Oh, I'm in a horrible situation and instead of trying to make things right I want an easy way out and who cares who gets hurt?."
ugh.
Headache.
Tired.
Thrilled to be able to spend lots of time talking to Brian tomorrow.
Need to sleep.
Need to dream.
Hopefully good dreams.
Dreams that'll make me be like 'YAY! (;"
Not "Boo )':"
Lmao, I am so strange.
XOXO,
Dollface.
LOL.
"Is going to dance in the rain and have some fun singing very louding causing the neighbors to be very angry (: [Wishes he was here to join in the fun] SOOOO BBS!"
Love this away message of mine.
XOXO,
Dollface
Love this away message of mine.
XOXO,
Dollface
Friday, May 22, 2009
HI ETHAN!
Oh, I forgot to mention that I saw Ethan today.
During that time I was still happy before break?.
Yeah.
He came in with a group from his school heading in to six flags.
I got a hug and surprised him.
He forgot I worked there.
One of his friends said "You sure are popular here"
When mom came up and talked to him and my brother said something to him too.
It was funny.
But I felt sorry for him.
He walked into McDonalds to get breakfast and got bambarded with "OMG HI ETHAN"'s
And mom telling everyone all about him.
Twas funny, but I still felt bad even though he was grinning from ear to ear.
XOXO,
Dollface.
During that time I was still happy before break?.
Yeah.
He came in with a group from his school heading in to six flags.
I got a hug and surprised him.
He forgot I worked there.
One of his friends said "You sure are popular here"
When mom came up and talked to him and my brother said something to him too.
It was funny.
But I felt sorry for him.
He walked into McDonalds to get breakfast and got bambarded with "OMG HI ETHAN"'s
And mom telling everyone all about him.
Twas funny, but I still felt bad even though he was grinning from ear to ear.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Happiness turns to gray.
Today started out good.
I awoke at a little after six, slightly annoyed because I didn't need to be up for another forty-five minutes at least. But my arm was bothering me so I needed to change positions.
When I was finally awoken by my alarm clock at seven my mood was slightly regretful only because I'd wished I'd gone to bed a little sooner last night.
But as I began to move around and listen to the music playing on my TV I found myself feeling like I needed to try just a little bit harder to look nice today.
I went in to work to find three buses in the parking lot.
One had already ordered.
The other two were in line.
Twas busy from the begining.
But I was happy.
I'd talked to my mom bit on the way in and the converstation had been good, the kind of converstation that made my pinks turn cheek and made me want to giggle.
I was so happy.
I hadn't been this happy at work in so long.
This kind of happy where you can't seem to stop smiling and even the annoying customers aren't /that/ annoying.
The kind of happy where singing in front of like forty complete strangers while they try to order isn't a big deal, and bouncing on the balls of my feet as I go to and from the place we keep hashbrowns seemed perfectly normal.
It was that kind of happy.
But it changed on break.
When mom was telling me how bad things have gotten.
And this sinking feeling started to take over.
And my feelings of joy and light-headedness of the early converstation were harder to hold on to.
So when I got back from break I was still able to be happy, a little more worried, a little less hyper but still happy.
But then when a customer did something wrong, I was a little more annoyed.
And slowly it got worse, I was cussing under my breath again and the migrane slowly started to build.
But this time the pain killers didn't help any.
And anytime anyone asked me what was wrong, I'd smile and try to be happy. But in the end I was always forced to answer with "Migrane."
It sucks.
Such a good mood wasted.
Brian's logged on, but away at the moment.
Haven't got to talk to him yet today.
Dustin got a myspace.
That makes me happy.
XOXO,
Dollface.
I awoke at a little after six, slightly annoyed because I didn't need to be up for another forty-five minutes at least. But my arm was bothering me so I needed to change positions.
When I was finally awoken by my alarm clock at seven my mood was slightly regretful only because I'd wished I'd gone to bed a little sooner last night.
But as I began to move around and listen to the music playing on my TV I found myself feeling like I needed to try just a little bit harder to look nice today.
I went in to work to find three buses in the parking lot.
One had already ordered.
The other two were in line.
Twas busy from the begining.
But I was happy.
I'd talked to my mom bit on the way in and the converstation had been good, the kind of converstation that made my pinks turn cheek and made me want to giggle.
I was so happy.
I hadn't been this happy at work in so long.
This kind of happy where you can't seem to stop smiling and even the annoying customers aren't /that/ annoying.
The kind of happy where singing in front of like forty complete strangers while they try to order isn't a big deal, and bouncing on the balls of my feet as I go to and from the place we keep hashbrowns seemed perfectly normal.
It was that kind of happy.
But it changed on break.
When mom was telling me how bad things have gotten.
And this sinking feeling started to take over.
And my feelings of joy and light-headedness of the early converstation were harder to hold on to.
So when I got back from break I was still able to be happy, a little more worried, a little less hyper but still happy.
But then when a customer did something wrong, I was a little more annoyed.
And slowly it got worse, I was cussing under my breath again and the migrane slowly started to build.
But this time the pain killers didn't help any.
And anytime anyone asked me what was wrong, I'd smile and try to be happy. But in the end I was always forced to answer with "Migrane."
It sucks.
Such a good mood wasted.
Brian's logged on, but away at the moment.
Haven't got to talk to him yet today.
Dustin got a myspace.
That makes me happy.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I'MMA GANGSTA.
FER REALZ, YO.
XOXO,
Dollface.
NOTE TO SELF: Send this blog to Brian, he needs a good laugh.
XOXO,
Dollface.
NOTE TO SELF: Send this blog to Brian, he needs a good laugh.
White castle moment.
Haha, on the way downstairs I finally figured out what it is.
I'm having a white castle moment.
"LETS BURN THIS MOTHER EFFER DOWN AND GO TO WHITE CASTLE!"
Yup, I'm offically insane.
Lol.
XOXO,
Dollface.
I'm having a white castle moment.
"LETS BURN THIS MOTHER EFFER DOWN AND GO TO WHITE CASTLE!"
Yup, I'm offically insane.
Lol.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Hello World.
"-Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So i say you’ll.."
Dunno, the song's been on repeat all morning(Well, at least for the part of the morning that I've been awake and at home and not at home and asleep and not at work.)
Came home from work early again today because I wasn't feel good.
Amanda and Justin are really good boss' for being so understanding.
Sucks I had to leave them so short-handed.
We were already short handed to begin with.
But it was either come home or double over in pain and be pretty much useless.
Missing Brian and he hasn't even left yet.
Been reading Ali's blog.
The fight......ugh, there are no words to discribe it.
Yes, I was being a bitch, I'm fully aware of it.
Do I regret it?
Barely.
There's some small part of me that keeps yelling at me for it.
But the rest is just kinda numb, like......'whatever happens, happens'
It's not that I don't care.
It's just that I see myself on that little path that I always end up on at some point.
It's like I take wrong turn and trip and fall and find myself wandering down it.
It's that path of self-distruction.
Not the one where I was like all depressed.
No, I've only ever been on that one once in my entire life.
No, this path is the one where when things start looking really good in my life and things I can't control start falling apart I start ripping the things I can control apart to save my self the agony of watching them slip away.
So it's kinda like...my life was going really good, then crap I can't control started going horribly wrong and so it's just kinda like instead of letting my friends slip away from me I'm just distroying what's there.
I don't want too.
It's never my desire too.
I'll admit, there's one friendship that is ending.
Has ended.
I can't keep dealing with Ashley.
No more, I complained when she did all this crap to me.
But doing it to Kare-bear?
Doing the one thing that everyone knows gets you on my badside?
No, I won't allow it.
I think apart of the problem is so much is changing in my life.
Some for the better, some for the worse.
Like, I have this job that while I'm there the day seems to drag on(Not all the time, but some of the time) But then next thing I know the week is gone and I'm starting all over and now I'm wondering "Where has the month of May gone?."
Which is going to come in handy as soon as Brian's really gone, because I can just bury myself in work and work lots of overtime this summer and the summer will fly by so quick I won't have time to miss him too much...or worry too much.
Thought about him alot when I was at work.
I wonder if somethings wrong.
Usually when I think about someone alot, I either miss them a whole bunch, or I'm worried and something's wrong.
Like...I've been known to get these feelings.
It's difficult to explain but anyways, about the things changing in my life.
I'll be seventeen soon and it feels weird knowing that I won't be joining my friends that graduated this year(I.E. Not going to college this fall)
I kinda feel this ache in my chest when I think about it.
I feel like I'm going to miss out on alot.
And then....there's the thing with Preston and then this thing currently going on with mom that could result in us having to go to court and crap.
And I just...ugh....I don't want to deal with this.
But I don't have a choice.
The worse part is my mom is hurting and there's nothing I can do about it.
Apart of me thinks it's time I finally sit her down and show her all those posts from when I was all depressed but I'm worried that'll only make matters worse.
But I'm finally ready to show them too her, whenever she's ready to read them.
Which could result in me being grounded or something, I don't know.
I really ought to sign on to MSN, Ali might be on.
Don't have the guts to do it.
Well, no that's not true.
I'm worried, worried because it might result in another arguement and this one is likely to be worse.
Yes, friends fight.
But......I can't lose her too.
Like last night after she logged off, I just sorta glanced through Tany's blog.
I haven't been able to do that.
Because like...I came back from being grounded and she was just gone.
And I couldn't bring myself to read the posts she'd made while I was grounded.
I read a few last night.
Commented on one or two.
And then after she logged off, I so wanted to just sign it with a simple "Told you I was a horrible friend."
That would have probably sealed it.
Sealed the deal on the distruction thing.
But as much as I felt the need to do that, I resisted because I don't want to do that.
I don't want to be forced to start a new in a place in my life where things don't need to start over.
As I mentioned before, It's something I have to do when it comes to the Ashley thing.
This summer, starting in June I shall only work one sunday a month in kids church with kare-bear.
And then at the end of the summer we're both quitting being a Junior helper.
Ms. Cari is being very understanding.
Crap, still worried about that.
I bet she's still pissed.
Ugh *head/desk*
Just what I needed to think of.
Dad's home, should probably go downstairs and let him know i'm awake...ah, but he's moving the truck around and I just heard him talking to a man outside...wonder what's going on.
Shall need to go check it out.
Feeling better now but I've still got a migrane.
Or however in the friggin' hell it's spelled.
"Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oh"
XOXO,
Dollface.
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So i say you’ll.."
Dunno, the song's been on repeat all morning(Well, at least for the part of the morning that I've been awake and at home and not at home and asleep and not at work.)
Came home from work early again today because I wasn't feel good.
Amanda and Justin are really good boss' for being so understanding.
Sucks I had to leave them so short-handed.
We were already short handed to begin with.
But it was either come home or double over in pain and be pretty much useless.
Missing Brian and he hasn't even left yet.
Been reading Ali's blog.
The fight......ugh, there are no words to discribe it.
Yes, I was being a bitch, I'm fully aware of it.
Do I regret it?
Barely.
There's some small part of me that keeps yelling at me for it.
But the rest is just kinda numb, like......'whatever happens, happens'
It's not that I don't care.
It's just that I see myself on that little path that I always end up on at some point.
It's like I take wrong turn and trip and fall and find myself wandering down it.
It's that path of self-distruction.
Not the one where I was like all depressed.
No, I've only ever been on that one once in my entire life.
No, this path is the one where when things start looking really good in my life and things I can't control start falling apart I start ripping the things I can control apart to save my self the agony of watching them slip away.
So it's kinda like...my life was going really good, then crap I can't control started going horribly wrong and so it's just kinda like instead of letting my friends slip away from me I'm just distroying what's there.
I don't want too.
It's never my desire too.
I'll admit, there's one friendship that is ending.
Has ended.
I can't keep dealing with Ashley.
No more, I complained when she did all this crap to me.
But doing it to Kare-bear?
Doing the one thing that everyone knows gets you on my badside?
No, I won't allow it.
I think apart of the problem is so much is changing in my life.
Some for the better, some for the worse.
Like, I have this job that while I'm there the day seems to drag on(Not all the time, but some of the time) But then next thing I know the week is gone and I'm starting all over and now I'm wondering "Where has the month of May gone?."
Which is going to come in handy as soon as Brian's really gone, because I can just bury myself in work and work lots of overtime this summer and the summer will fly by so quick I won't have time to miss him too much...or worry too much.
Thought about him alot when I was at work.
I wonder if somethings wrong.
Usually when I think about someone alot, I either miss them a whole bunch, or I'm worried and something's wrong.
Like...I've been known to get these feelings.
It's difficult to explain but anyways, about the things changing in my life.
I'll be seventeen soon and it feels weird knowing that I won't be joining my friends that graduated this year(I.E. Not going to college this fall)
I kinda feel this ache in my chest when I think about it.
I feel like I'm going to miss out on alot.
And then....there's the thing with Preston and then this thing currently going on with mom that could result in us having to go to court and crap.
And I just...ugh....I don't want to deal with this.
But I don't have a choice.
The worse part is my mom is hurting and there's nothing I can do about it.
Apart of me thinks it's time I finally sit her down and show her all those posts from when I was all depressed but I'm worried that'll only make matters worse.
But I'm finally ready to show them too her, whenever she's ready to read them.
Which could result in me being grounded or something, I don't know.
I really ought to sign on to MSN, Ali might be on.
Don't have the guts to do it.
Well, no that's not true.
I'm worried, worried because it might result in another arguement and this one is likely to be worse.
Yes, friends fight.
But......I can't lose her too.
Like last night after she logged off, I just sorta glanced through Tany's blog.
I haven't been able to do that.
Because like...I came back from being grounded and she was just gone.
And I couldn't bring myself to read the posts she'd made while I was grounded.
I read a few last night.
Commented on one or two.
And then after she logged off, I so wanted to just sign it with a simple "Told you I was a horrible friend."
That would have probably sealed it.
Sealed the deal on the distruction thing.
But as much as I felt the need to do that, I resisted because I don't want to do that.
I don't want to be forced to start a new in a place in my life where things don't need to start over.
As I mentioned before, It's something I have to do when it comes to the Ashley thing.
This summer, starting in June I shall only work one sunday a month in kids church with kare-bear.
And then at the end of the summer we're both quitting being a Junior helper.
Ms. Cari is being very understanding.
Crap, still worried about that.
I bet she's still pissed.
Ugh *head/desk*
Just what I needed to think of.
Dad's home, should probably go downstairs and let him know i'm awake...ah, but he's moving the truck around and I just heard him talking to a man outside...wonder what's going on.
Shall need to go check it out.
Feeling better now but I've still got a migrane.
Or however in the friggin' hell it's spelled.
"Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oh"
XOXO,
Dollface.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
"It's like boy meets girl."
It's an odd thing.
How I keep finding Military guys that I get along with.
And isn't even stranger that the most recent one is someone I could easily see myself falling for?.
We'll have to wait and see how this time with him in Iraq and us having limited time to talk goes.
Perhaps things will turn out like we've discussed and when he gets back then after my 18th birthday he'll come visit.
Or perhaps I'll go see him.
It'll depend.
I'm still deadset on going to see Ali in September after my 18th b-day(August 2010)
Course knowing my mom she'll try to talk dad into taking a trip to Vancouver earlier in the year so that I can actually get off to hang out with Brian.
Which wouldn't be too bad.
Go see Ali in the spring of '10 and then in August/september see Brian?. Yeah I could handle that.
Lol.
Hopefully I'll get to talk to him later.
If not there's always tomorrow.
I've known him like a month and already I'm missing him and he hasnt' even left for Iraq yet.
*Sighs*
I wonder where my wifey is.
Was today the day she was going shopping? I don't remember.
I'm sick, hence why I've been online since like noon.
I went in at five and came back at six.
Suckkks.
Still having issues.
Hopefully we can get them taken care of.
I really hope mom feels better soon.
XOXO,
Dollface.
P.S. www.writtenworksofart.blogspot.com
How I keep finding Military guys that I get along with.
And isn't even stranger that the most recent one is someone I could easily see myself falling for?.
We'll have to wait and see how this time with him in Iraq and us having limited time to talk goes.
Perhaps things will turn out like we've discussed and when he gets back then after my 18th birthday he'll come visit.
Or perhaps I'll go see him.
It'll depend.
I'm still deadset on going to see Ali in September after my 18th b-day(August 2010)
Course knowing my mom she'll try to talk dad into taking a trip to Vancouver earlier in the year so that I can actually get off to hang out with Brian.
Which wouldn't be too bad.
Go see Ali in the spring of '10 and then in August/september see Brian?. Yeah I could handle that.
Lol.
Hopefully I'll get to talk to him later.
If not there's always tomorrow.
I've known him like a month and already I'm missing him and he hasnt' even left for Iraq yet.
*Sighs*
I wonder where my wifey is.
Was today the day she was going shopping? I don't remember.
I'm sick, hence why I've been online since like noon.
I went in at five and came back at six.
Suckkks.
Still having issues.
Hopefully we can get them taken care of.
I really hope mom feels better soon.
XOXO,
Dollface.
P.S. www.writtenworksofart.blogspot.com
Current top 10.
"It's like Twisted Sister meets Mr. Mister. It's like Rollin' Thunder meets Careless Whisper. It's like Jesus Jones and the Rolling Stones in a game of twister. It's like boy meets girl."
1. Evan Taubenfeld; "Boy Meets Girl"
"I'm so over it, I've been there and back. I've changed all my numbers and just in case your wondering. I've got that new I'm a single girl swag. Got me with my girls and we're singin' it. Nanana, nanana, hey, hey, hey, goodbye."
2. Kristinia DeBarge; "Goodbye"
"But I think you know, what I need. Impossible as it may seem, I think it's easy to see. I am awake, it's getting late. I'm in no state to be alone now. Yeah, I'm alone now. Come light the fire in my room, I think I'm loosin' all control now, I don't even know how."
3. Kate Voegele; "Inside Out"
"Yeah, Girl that girl. She’s bad. Got me goin crazy, Can’t move on, Can’t think. She bad, She bad, She bad, She bad, She bad, She bad. I’m trippin, I’m trippin. She’s bad. Got me goin in circles, Don’t know what to do, She bad."
4. V Factory; "She Bad"
"What You got for me, I wanna see. I've been waiting way to long, Got me losing my cool. Dont know what im gonna do. You got me going, oh. You got me going, oh."
5. Day 26; "Got Me Going"
"Come home, Come home. Cause I’ve been waiting for you, For so long. For so long. And right now there's a war between the vanities, But all i see is you and me. The fight for you is all I’ve ever known. So come home, Oh."
6. One Republic; "Come Home"
"I'm crazy for you and just like a fool. There's no way I can stop, stop, stop to tell you. I'm crazy for you and you know it too. There's no one that can top, top, top your smile. Girl, you got me. Love struck, you got me. Love stuck, girl you got me. Love struck, oh, oh, oh, oh."
7. V Factory; "Love Struck"
"There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna want to make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. It's not about how fast I get there, it's not about what's waitin' on the other side. It's the climb."
8. Miley Cyrus; "The Climb"
"I'm Doctor Love (Love). I'm Doctor Love (Love). Come be my patient (patient), I'll cure without a drug. I'm Doctor Love (Love). I'm Doctor Love (Love). Come be my patient (patient), I'll cure without a drug. I'm Doctor Love."
9. Donnie Klang; "Dr. Love"
"No, I don't believe you. When you say don't come around here no more. I won't remind you, you said we wouldn't be apart. No, I don't believe you. When you say you don't need me anymore. So don't pretend to not love me at all."
10. Pink; "I Don't Believe You"
XOXO,
Dollface.
1. Evan Taubenfeld; "Boy Meets Girl"
"I'm so over it, I've been there and back. I've changed all my numbers and just in case your wondering. I've got that new I'm a single girl swag. Got me with my girls and we're singin' it. Nanana, nanana, hey, hey, hey, goodbye."
2. Kristinia DeBarge; "Goodbye"
"But I think you know, what I need. Impossible as it may seem, I think it's easy to see. I am awake, it's getting late. I'm in no state to be alone now. Yeah, I'm alone now. Come light the fire in my room, I think I'm loosin' all control now, I don't even know how."
3. Kate Voegele; "Inside Out"
"Yeah, Girl that girl. She’s bad. Got me goin crazy, Can’t move on, Can’t think. She bad, She bad, She bad, She bad, She bad, She bad. I’m trippin, I’m trippin. She’s bad. Got me goin in circles, Don’t know what to do, She bad."
4. V Factory; "She Bad"
"What You got for me, I wanna see. I've been waiting way to long, Got me losing my cool. Dont know what im gonna do. You got me going, oh. You got me going, oh."
5. Day 26; "Got Me Going"
"Come home, Come home. Cause I’ve been waiting for you, For so long. For so long. And right now there's a war between the vanities, But all i see is you and me. The fight for you is all I’ve ever known. So come home, Oh."
6. One Republic; "Come Home"
"I'm crazy for you and just like a fool. There's no way I can stop, stop, stop to tell you. I'm crazy for you and you know it too. There's no one that can top, top, top your smile. Girl, you got me. Love struck, you got me. Love stuck, girl you got me. Love struck, oh, oh, oh, oh."
7. V Factory; "Love Struck"
"There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna want to make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. It's not about how fast I get there, it's not about what's waitin' on the other side. It's the climb."
8. Miley Cyrus; "The Climb"
"I'm Doctor Love (Love). I'm Doctor Love (Love). Come be my patient (patient), I'll cure without a drug. I'm Doctor Love (Love). I'm Doctor Love (Love). Come be my patient (patient), I'll cure without a drug. I'm Doctor Love."
9. Donnie Klang; "Dr. Love"
"No, I don't believe you. When you say don't come around here no more. I won't remind you, you said we wouldn't be apart. No, I don't believe you. When you say you don't need me anymore. So don't pretend to not love me at all."
10. Pink; "I Don't Believe You"
XOXO,
Dollface.
Monday, May 18, 2009
"Somebody call 911, shorty burnin' on the dance floor"
Anything thing that can go wrong.
Will.
All I can do is sit here and pray that everything turns out okay.
Brian leaves for Iraq in a week, he'll be gone a year.
Aaron leaves for some more training June 1.
Haven't heard from Brendan since he left to join the Army.
Crap just keeps happening.
People I care about at work are being attacked by satan.
Mom's having issues and they aren't even her fault.
Then there's this thing with Preston and....I don't know what's going to happen.
I know we're suppose to be at McDonald's.
There's a reason God wants us there.
But it's hard.
It's really hard to keep going back when crap keeps happening.
Ms.Cari is angry at me.
Maybe not now but she was.
I'm not sure I can wait until after the summer to quit.
I might just make this coming sunday my last day as a Junior Helper.
I said that yesterday was good day.
It wasn't bad.
But all day I was thinking about the look Ms.Cari gave me.
I made the wrong choice.
The one day I decided to be selfish.
To have everyone I wanted right there with me because it was the only thing I was doing for Graduation.
I'm regretting.
It was fun.
But if she doesn't forgive me then what was the point?
I can't stand the thought of someone I respect so much being so angry with me.
Everythings just chaos here at home.
And some of it I can't talk about because it's not my story to tell.
So in a little while I'm going to pick up the bible Pastor Del presented to me yesterday and I'm just going to sit and read for a while.
Then I'll come back and hopefully have someone to talk to, someone who can distract me.
I hope Ali had a better day yesterday than I did.
XOXO,
Dollface.
P.S. Title taken from "Fire Burning" - Sean Kingston
Will.
All I can do is sit here and pray that everything turns out okay.
Brian leaves for Iraq in a week, he'll be gone a year.
Aaron leaves for some more training June 1.
Haven't heard from Brendan since he left to join the Army.
Crap just keeps happening.
People I care about at work are being attacked by satan.
Mom's having issues and they aren't even her fault.
Then there's this thing with Preston and....I don't know what's going to happen.
I know we're suppose to be at McDonald's.
There's a reason God wants us there.
But it's hard.
It's really hard to keep going back when crap keeps happening.
Ms.Cari is angry at me.
Maybe not now but she was.
I'm not sure I can wait until after the summer to quit.
I might just make this coming sunday my last day as a Junior Helper.
I said that yesterday was good day.
It wasn't bad.
But all day I was thinking about the look Ms.Cari gave me.
I made the wrong choice.
The one day I decided to be selfish.
To have everyone I wanted right there with me because it was the only thing I was doing for Graduation.
I'm regretting.
It was fun.
But if she doesn't forgive me then what was the point?
I can't stand the thought of someone I respect so much being so angry with me.
Everythings just chaos here at home.
And some of it I can't talk about because it's not my story to tell.
So in a little while I'm going to pick up the bible Pastor Del presented to me yesterday and I'm just going to sit and read for a while.
Then I'll come back and hopefully have someone to talk to, someone who can distract me.
I hope Ali had a better day yesterday than I did.
XOXO,
Dollface.
P.S. Title taken from "Fire Burning" - Sean Kingston
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Yup, it's crap.
I really am a horrible friend aren't I?
I just read the last two posts in Ali's blog.
And yet here I am worrying about something that may or may not happen when I should be worrying about something that has happened and is still effecting someone I love very much.
I couldn't blame her if she hated me.
XOXO,
Dollface.
I just read the last two posts in Ali's blog.
And yet here I am worrying about something that may or may not happen when I should be worrying about something that has happened and is still effecting someone I love very much.
I couldn't blame her if she hated me.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Well, this is crap.
I tried to sleep but couldn't.
I'd finally calmed down enough from all the drama and crap going on at work.
And I thought I'd be able to sleep.
But then I couldn't.
Because my mind drifted to a subject I'd been avoiding.
A subject that mom brought up for the first time.
A subject that had my insides hurting, making me want to cry just listening to mom talk about it.
You see, we had a problem with a customer today who has attempted(possibly succeeded) at stealing food from there at least two times before today.
And attempted it again.
Mom gave her whatever it was and then told her to get out of the drive-thru and to never come back because we'll refuse service to her for stealing from us already.
And mom had pointed out at work that the women was one of Preston's friends.
And she was saying that Preston better not tell her not to worry about it and that she can come back to McDonalds to eat.
Because you never go against family.
And she said that she'd noticed that Preston was starting to choose friends over family and that, that wasn't going to cut it anymore.
And that if it got too bad that she'd have to wipe her hands of him.
And....even now I'm tearing up because I know mom will do it.
Because we don't ever choose friends over family.
We just don't.
And all the suddenly, he might be.
And what happens if the brother I know and love who've like never been pissed at before it's up suddenly being a forbidden topic?
Someone who's family but who we don't like?
I can't....I just can't risk it.
I'll quit my job, I'll do whatever.
I just....I can't loose my brother because what will he do if he doesn't have us? Doesn't have mom?
I know him, he'll end back in prison and I'll probably never him again and then Penny will probably divorce him and get remarried to some loser that'll only want her cause of her acting and shit and then seeing my niece and nephews will be rare pain-filled moments because I'll always remember a happier time.
I can't.
I just....
I can't risk that, any of this.
I just wish Preston would see the mistake he could make.
And that he wouldn't make it.
Because, I can't do this, I can't loose him again. I've delt with him being gone for six months in prison and I can't loose him.
Not again.
I need my bubba.
I need him and I won't choose sides.
I can't choose sides.
I can't choose between who's right and wrong because even though I know he'll be wrong I can't choose mom's side and loose him forever but I can't choose his side and have mom decide that they'll kick me out at 18 and she'll wipe her hands of me too.
I can't, I just can't do this.
But I might have to.
And so I find myself crying while my mother takes a nap.
With a headache, wishing I could sleep.
Wishing that I'd wake up to find it was all a nightmare.
Wishing that I could fix this.
Wishing that I had a distraction.
But the only one I've found is to try on things for tomorrow.
But even that isn't going to keep me distracted for long.
Where's my wifey when I need her?
XOXO,
Dollface.
I'd finally calmed down enough from all the drama and crap going on at work.
And I thought I'd be able to sleep.
But then I couldn't.
Because my mind drifted to a subject I'd been avoiding.
A subject that mom brought up for the first time.
A subject that had my insides hurting, making me want to cry just listening to mom talk about it.
You see, we had a problem with a customer today who has attempted(possibly succeeded) at stealing food from there at least two times before today.
And attempted it again.
Mom gave her whatever it was and then told her to get out of the drive-thru and to never come back because we'll refuse service to her for stealing from us already.
And mom had pointed out at work that the women was one of Preston's friends.
And she was saying that Preston better not tell her not to worry about it and that she can come back to McDonalds to eat.
Because you never go against family.
And she said that she'd noticed that Preston was starting to choose friends over family and that, that wasn't going to cut it anymore.
And that if it got too bad that she'd have to wipe her hands of him.
And....even now I'm tearing up because I know mom will do it.
Because we don't ever choose friends over family.
We just don't.
And all the suddenly, he might be.
And what happens if the brother I know and love who've like never been pissed at before it's up suddenly being a forbidden topic?
Someone who's family but who we don't like?
I can't....I just can't risk it.
I'll quit my job, I'll do whatever.
I just....I can't loose my brother because what will he do if he doesn't have us? Doesn't have mom?
I know him, he'll end back in prison and I'll probably never him again and then Penny will probably divorce him and get remarried to some loser that'll only want her cause of her acting and shit and then seeing my niece and nephews will be rare pain-filled moments because I'll always remember a happier time.
I can't.
I just....
I can't risk that, any of this.
I just wish Preston would see the mistake he could make.
And that he wouldn't make it.
Because, I can't do this, I can't loose him again. I've delt with him being gone for six months in prison and I can't loose him.
Not again.
I need my bubba.
I need him and I won't choose sides.
I can't choose sides.
I can't choose between who's right and wrong because even though I know he'll be wrong I can't choose mom's side and loose him forever but I can't choose his side and have mom decide that they'll kick me out at 18 and she'll wipe her hands of me too.
I can't, I just can't do this.
But I might have to.
And so I find myself crying while my mother takes a nap.
With a headache, wishing I could sleep.
Wishing that I'd wake up to find it was all a nightmare.
Wishing that I could fix this.
Wishing that I had a distraction.
But the only one I've found is to try on things for tomorrow.
But even that isn't going to keep me distracted for long.
Where's my wifey when I need her?
XOXO,
Dollface.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Friday night boys and friday night noise. Ain't friday the day to come out and play?
"I do what I say and say what I mean
Try to get a grip on the American dream
Sunrise to Sunset Strip I'll be
Workin' to the bone just to try to have a voice
When Friday night comes I'm gonna turn up the noise
Like a good, good, good cowboy."
- Lonstar; Like A Good Cowboy
Went to Dairy Queen tonight.
And it was quite interesting.
Remembering how I needed to grab a jacket before I left the house or else I'd freeze even though it's in the eighties outside they always keep the inside of DQ very cold.
When we pulled up, the sun had maybe another hour left of light to give and the place was busy.
There was severl people I'd never met before.
And several I knew, even if it was just from around town.
It was great just listening to the converstations going on around me as different people would hop up in the silence upon which only converstation was heard and put a quater in the jukebox bring another song to life.
I wish I would have remembered to grab my wallet before I'd left the house, then I could have been one of those people as well.
I remember when this one couple(The boy I knew from when I used to go to church around here and the girl because of her mother) I smiled and he smiled back, she didn't even notice, but his smile lingered longer than it should have.
Almost as if to say; "I'd date you if I could"
I hadn't been in DQ on a friday night in a while.
But being in there reminded me of the old days.
Of coming in there on a friday night after a football game and the place was bustling with families and teenagers alike as they celebrated with a bleezered or some other treat.
Of how it was common to have people sitting at different ends up the building but carrying on a converstation over the noise of everyone else and of the jukebox as it played.
Kids crowding around it in a attempt to pick a song that they could talk their parents into spending a quater on to play.
I would have been one of those kids, but those were nights when mama kept me close to her side.
And then there was the calls of "Hey! -insert name here-" as someone new walked through the door and would usually get distracted from the task of getting in line to go speak to the friends who'd called their attention.
Something smailiar happened tonight.
As I looked out the windows and watched Steven climb out of his truck and move with some amount of excitement to greet his grandparents who had his younger sister with him who is about my age.
They'd come inside and he'd headed to the table with the couple I spoke of earlier, chit-chatting a little while before drifting to the booth over from us to speak to the girls that I saw at the rodeo last weekend and who I was quite sure at least on was on the cheerleadering squad.
It's funny how in such a small town you don't have to put a face to a name.
Because you know everyone's name.
But you don't always know them.
But what you do know, is the gossip that spreads like a wild fire.
That spreads so quickly you don't realize how major the rumor is until the whole town is talking about it and the person or persons involved are hurt or annoyed or pissed, sometimes all three.
I love the small town.
Even with all the drama and the gossip.
It's still an amazing thing.
To live in such a place as this.
To know all the towns little white lies and dirty little secerts.
To be 'in the know' without having to be involved directly.
Everyone's related to someone.
And everyone knows your name, even if you don't know theirs.
But chances are, you do.
You just wouldn't reconigze them if they came up and bit you on the ass.
And so, I end this blog post only because I must sleep.
I am working 5-1 tomorrow.
Hopefully I actually come home at one, but if not then I suppose a nap will be on the meau.
Must offically decide on what to wear tomorrow, I need to have it ready for sunday.
XOXO,
Dollface
Try to get a grip on the American dream
Sunrise to Sunset Strip I'll be
Workin' to the bone just to try to have a voice
When Friday night comes I'm gonna turn up the noise
Like a good, good, good cowboy."
- Lonstar; Like A Good Cowboy
Went to Dairy Queen tonight.
And it was quite interesting.
Remembering how I needed to grab a jacket before I left the house or else I'd freeze even though it's in the eighties outside they always keep the inside of DQ very cold.
When we pulled up, the sun had maybe another hour left of light to give and the place was busy.
There was severl people I'd never met before.
And several I knew, even if it was just from around town.
It was great just listening to the converstations going on around me as different people would hop up in the silence upon which only converstation was heard and put a quater in the jukebox bring another song to life.
I wish I would have remembered to grab my wallet before I'd left the house, then I could have been one of those people as well.
I remember when this one couple(The boy I knew from when I used to go to church around here and the girl because of her mother) I smiled and he smiled back, she didn't even notice, but his smile lingered longer than it should have.
Almost as if to say; "I'd date you if I could"
I hadn't been in DQ on a friday night in a while.
But being in there reminded me of the old days.
Of coming in there on a friday night after a football game and the place was bustling with families and teenagers alike as they celebrated with a bleezered or some other treat.
Of how it was common to have people sitting at different ends up the building but carrying on a converstation over the noise of everyone else and of the jukebox as it played.
Kids crowding around it in a attempt to pick a song that they could talk their parents into spending a quater on to play.
I would have been one of those kids, but those were nights when mama kept me close to her side.
And then there was the calls of "Hey! -insert name here-" as someone new walked through the door and would usually get distracted from the task of getting in line to go speak to the friends who'd called their attention.
Something smailiar happened tonight.
As I looked out the windows and watched Steven climb out of his truck and move with some amount of excitement to greet his grandparents who had his younger sister with him who is about my age.
They'd come inside and he'd headed to the table with the couple I spoke of earlier, chit-chatting a little while before drifting to the booth over from us to speak to the girls that I saw at the rodeo last weekend and who I was quite sure at least on was on the cheerleadering squad.
It's funny how in such a small town you don't have to put a face to a name.
Because you know everyone's name.
But you don't always know them.
But what you do know, is the gossip that spreads like a wild fire.
That spreads so quickly you don't realize how major the rumor is until the whole town is talking about it and the person or persons involved are hurt or annoyed or pissed, sometimes all three.
I love the small town.
Even with all the drama and the gossip.
It's still an amazing thing.
To live in such a place as this.
To know all the towns little white lies and dirty little secerts.
To be 'in the know' without having to be involved directly.
Everyone's related to someone.
And everyone knows your name, even if you don't know theirs.
But chances are, you do.
You just wouldn't reconigze them if they came up and bit you on the ass.
And so, I end this blog post only because I must sleep.
I am working 5-1 tomorrow.
Hopefully I actually come home at one, but if not then I suppose a nap will be on the meau.
Must offically decide on what to wear tomorrow, I need to have it ready for sunday.
XOXO,
Dollface
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
"A reason for all that I do."
"And the reason is you."
Dunno, just listening to that song.
But uh yeah.
Might update my lookbook, not sure yet.
Currently surfing through the new stuff.
Found a couple of looks worth hyping.
Also, I think I know what I'm wearing to my Senior Luncheon and it's really, really cute.
Can't wait to take photos and post them on LB.
Annnnd lets see.
I go into work at 2 today.
Won't be back until about midnight.
Get to work with Jacob which will be awesome.
Work 10-5 tomorrow.
I'm not thrilled about that.
Thursday: 5-3
Friday: 5-3
Saturday: 5-1
Sunday: OFF
Me likey saturday.
LOL.
Working 5-3 is a bitch.
Like seriously.
Oh btw, did I mention I'm currently on medication for that allgeric reaction I got?
Yeah, so anytime someone says i'm acting weirder than normal I'm like "I blame it on the medication."
Which is hilarious.
Because then they think I'm doing drugs or something.
And i'm like "DUDE, THE DOCTOR JUST GAVE 'EM TO ME AND THEY'LL BE GONE BY SATURDAY AND THEN I WON'T NEED ANYMORE. HAHAHAHAHAHA."
Idk, tis funny.
But uh...yeah.
Dunno what else to say.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Dunno, just listening to that song.
But uh yeah.
Might update my lookbook, not sure yet.
Currently surfing through the new stuff.
Found a couple of looks worth hyping.
Also, I think I know what I'm wearing to my Senior Luncheon and it's really, really cute.
Can't wait to take photos and post them on LB.
Annnnd lets see.
I go into work at 2 today.
Won't be back until about midnight.
Get to work with Jacob which will be awesome.
Work 10-5 tomorrow.
I'm not thrilled about that.
Thursday: 5-3
Friday: 5-3
Saturday: 5-1
Sunday: OFF
Me likey saturday.
LOL.
Working 5-3 is a bitch.
Like seriously.
Oh btw, did I mention I'm currently on medication for that allgeric reaction I got?
Yeah, so anytime someone says i'm acting weirder than normal I'm like "I blame it on the medication."
Which is hilarious.
Because then they think I'm doing drugs or something.
And i'm like "DUDE, THE DOCTOR JUST GAVE 'EM TO ME AND THEY'LL BE GONE BY SATURDAY AND THEN I WON'T NEED ANYMORE. HAHAHAHAHAHA."
Idk, tis funny.
But uh...yeah.
Dunno what else to say.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
>.<
Was catching up on Ali's blog.
Haven't felt like reading/writting lately.
And so I haven't paid much attention.
I deeply regret that.
Had a very, very crappy day at work.
A thousand times worse then yesterday.
Am in the process of hammering out who's going to my Senior Luncheon and who isn't.
I have many phone calls to make tomorrow and many people to talk to.
(Okay, maybe not that many)
After all, I did contact Ethan today.
Waiting for a reply.
Also spoke with Karrie.
We have to talk to her and her parents tomorrow.
I might have to go to the doctor on monday because my spider bite has gotten worse.
Mom's very concerned.
Happy to know I have two days off.
And then tuesday I work night shift.
Which means I'll be working with Jacob.
Probably going to bed soon.
Took a nap this afternoon.
Like a two hour nap.
Didn't even bother to change out of my uniform.
Just crashed on the couch.
Am very tired.
Headache that started up at like 8-ish this morning is still there.
My throat feels funny.
Hopefully it doesn't get really bad again.
I hate this crap.
Anyways.
Shall sleep very, very soon.
Jacob couldn't come over today because Justin didn't let him work mornings.
But we went back to MickeyD's to get dinner.
And I got a hug.
Annnnd....yeah.
Mom and dad think I could go see the Jonas Brother's for my b-day if I really want too.
Problem is only balcony seats are left unless I win tickets.
Not sure I want to mess with it.
But then....it'd be so cool to do something that's actually on my birthday for once.
And I'd love to take Kare-bear.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Haven't felt like reading/writting lately.
And so I haven't paid much attention.
I deeply regret that.
Had a very, very crappy day at work.
A thousand times worse then yesterday.
Am in the process of hammering out who's going to my Senior Luncheon and who isn't.
I have many phone calls to make tomorrow and many people to talk to.
(Okay, maybe not that many)
After all, I did contact Ethan today.
Waiting for a reply.
Also spoke with Karrie.
We have to talk to her and her parents tomorrow.
I might have to go to the doctor on monday because my spider bite has gotten worse.
Mom's very concerned.
Happy to know I have two days off.
And then tuesday I work night shift.
Which means I'll be working with Jacob.
Probably going to bed soon.
Took a nap this afternoon.
Like a two hour nap.
Didn't even bother to change out of my uniform.
Just crashed on the couch.
Am very tired.
Headache that started up at like 8-ish this morning is still there.
My throat feels funny.
Hopefully it doesn't get really bad again.
I hate this crap.
Anyways.
Shall sleep very, very soon.
Jacob couldn't come over today because Justin didn't let him work mornings.
But we went back to MickeyD's to get dinner.
And I got a hug.
Annnnd....yeah.
Mom and dad think I could go see the Jonas Brother's for my b-day if I really want too.
Problem is only balcony seats are left unless I win tickets.
Not sure I want to mess with it.
But then....it'd be so cool to do something that's actually on my birthday for once.
And I'd love to take Kare-bear.
XOXO,
Dollface.
GOL MOMENT OF THE DAY
ccscleader15: Yup, she wants ties.
ccscleader15: I'm like "KK"
karmasbadside: Ties?
ccscleader15: Yeah..
ccscleader15: She has to wear ties of some sort to work.
karmasbadside: Like for collared shirts?
ccscleader15: And she doesn't like the ones mcdonald's provides.
karmasbadside: Oohhh, just making sure.
ccscleader15: which is funny, because usually I buy dad ties and he never wears them
ccscleader15: I buy my mom ties? she'll wear 'em.
karmasbadside: XD You should put that in your blog-if you still do it.
karmasbadside: That was hilarious. It made me giggle out loud.
karmasbadside: gol
XOXO,
Dollface
ccscleader15: I'm like "KK"
karmasbadside: Ties?
ccscleader15: Yeah..
ccscleader15: She has to wear ties of some sort to work.
karmasbadside: Like for collared shirts?
ccscleader15: And she doesn't like the ones mcdonald's provides.
karmasbadside: Oohhh, just making sure.
ccscleader15: which is funny, because usually I buy dad ties and he never wears them
ccscleader15: I buy my mom ties? she'll wear 'em.
karmasbadside: XD You should put that in your blog-if you still do it.
karmasbadside: That was hilarious. It made me giggle out loud.
karmasbadside: gol
XOXO,
Dollface
Friday, May 8, 2009
Horrible day, getting better.
Pain in the asses people stealing food at work.
Amber had a heavy box fall on her head so I'm worried about her.
Not working 7-3 tomorrow but 5-1, don't want to get up that early but like getting off early.
Jacob might work tomorrow morning and come over and hang out afterwards(<3)
Also, the rodeo is tonight.
Which will be fun.
Sucks I can't go to the dance afterwards though.
But if Jacob gets to come over then I'll be okay ^_^
Gonna go take a shower soon and start getting ready.
But I'll be online to roleplay and stuff while I'm getting ready.
I'mma take LOTS of pics.
Hopefully tonight is better than today.
And hopefully tomorrow is friggin' awesome.
XOXO,
Dollface
Amber had a heavy box fall on her head so I'm worried about her.
Not working 7-3 tomorrow but 5-1, don't want to get up that early but like getting off early.
Jacob might work tomorrow morning and come over and hang out afterwards(<3)
Also, the rodeo is tonight.
Which will be fun.
Sucks I can't go to the dance afterwards though.
But if Jacob gets to come over then I'll be okay ^_^
Gonna go take a shower soon and start getting ready.
But I'll be online to roleplay and stuff while I'm getting ready.
I'mma take LOTS of pics.
Hopefully tonight is better than today.
And hopefully tomorrow is friggin' awesome.
XOXO,
Dollface
Thursday, May 7, 2009
WOAH, I'M GOING TO BE SEVENTEEN SOON.
Who would have thought that an outfit I wore one day would inspire a song?
Said outfit: http://lookbook.nu/look/136594-I-m-the-black-sheep-of-the-family-and-proud-of-it
Said song: http://thecrazylifeofdollface.blogspot.com/2009/05/yuh-im-black-sheep-and-im-proud-of-it-i.html
But uh yeah.
GUESS WHAT.
JUST FOUND ONE REASON ALI WON'T HATE NICK JONAS SO MUCH.
WAS READING MY NEW SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE AND THEY HAD THE GUYS COME UP WITH THEIR SOUNDTRACK FOR THIS SUMMER
AND THE LAST ONE ON NICK'S LIST WAS "WHEN DID YOUR HEART GO MISSING" BY ROONEY.
MY JAW LITERALLY DROPPED MAN.
ALSO, SEVENTEEN IS GIVING AWAY TICKETS TO THEM IN CONCERT.
AND I REALLY WANT TO WIN.
BECAUSE ON AUGUST 13TH THEY'LL BE IN SAN ANTONIO.
THAT'S MY SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY MAN.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Said outfit: http://lookbook.nu/look/136594-I-m-the-black-sheep-of-the-family-and-proud-of-it
Said song: http://thecrazylifeofdollface.blogspot.com/2009/05/yuh-im-black-sheep-and-im-proud-of-it-i.html
But uh yeah.
GUESS WHAT.
JUST FOUND ONE REASON ALI WON'T HATE NICK JONAS SO MUCH.
WAS READING MY NEW SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE AND THEY HAD THE GUYS COME UP WITH THEIR SOUNDTRACK FOR THIS SUMMER
AND THE LAST ONE ON NICK'S LIST WAS "WHEN DID YOUR HEART GO MISSING" BY ROONEY.
MY JAW LITERALLY DROPPED MAN.
ALSO, SEVENTEEN IS GIVING AWAY TICKETS TO THEM IN CONCERT.
AND I REALLY WANT TO WIN.
BECAUSE ON AUGUST 13TH THEY'LL BE IN SAN ANTONIO.
THAT'S MY SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY MAN.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Black Sheep.
Yuh, I'm the black sheep
And I'm proud of it
I keep rollin' like this cause I ain't scared of nothin'
Yeah, you keep messin' with me.
And I'll kick ya in the ass and not loose any sleep.
Cause I'm the black sheep of the family.
I ain't got no problems, I just got time.
But I don't commit any crimes.
Cause I'm the black sheep of the family.
I might be a little crazy sometimes.
But that's just the way, just the way, just the way I roll.
Cause I'm the black sheep.
Yeah, Yeah.
Black sheep.
Uh huh, Uh huh.
Black sheep.
Uh huh, uh huh.
You comment my myspace, you comment my photos, you say I ain't got shit on you.
And yet you got problems and a kid to boot.
You say I ain't nothin' but a lazy bitch.
So what'd I do?
I just lean back and say "Bring It On" cause I'm a texas bitch who don't take no shit.
Cause I'mma black sheep.
Uh huh, uh huh.
Black sheep.
Uh huh, uh huh.
Black sheep.
Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Owwwww.
NOTE: Lyrics are subject to change.
Copyright(c) Amy C. 2009.
And I'm proud of it
I keep rollin' like this cause I ain't scared of nothin'
Yeah, you keep messin' with me.
And I'll kick ya in the ass and not loose any sleep.
Cause I'm the black sheep of the family.
I ain't got no problems, I just got time.
But I don't commit any crimes.
Cause I'm the black sheep of the family.
I might be a little crazy sometimes.
But that's just the way, just the way, just the way I roll.
Cause I'm the black sheep.
Yeah, Yeah.
Black sheep.
Uh huh, Uh huh.
Black sheep.
Uh huh, uh huh.
You comment my myspace, you comment my photos, you say I ain't got shit on you.
And yet you got problems and a kid to boot.
You say I ain't nothin' but a lazy bitch.
So what'd I do?
I just lean back and say "Bring It On" cause I'm a texas bitch who don't take no shit.
Cause I'mma black sheep.
Uh huh, uh huh.
Black sheep.
Uh huh, uh huh.
Black sheep.
Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Owwwww.
NOTE: Lyrics are subject to change.
Copyright(c) Amy C. 2009.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Don't Ask.
1. Halo - Beyonce
2. Your Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer
3. What A Catch, Donnie - Fall Out Boy
4. Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback
5. Turn It Up - Pillar
XOXO,
Dollface.
2. Your Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer
3. What A Catch, Donnie - Fall Out Boy
4. Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback
5. Turn It Up - Pillar
XOXO,
Dollface.
UGH.
UGH!UGH!UGH!
DAMMIT.
I WAS HAPPY AND SMILING AND EVERYTHING.
THEN ME AND CHRISTINA GOT ON THE SUBJECT OF A&O
AND NOW I'M SAD.
BECAUSE I KNEW THEY'D STILL END UP LEAVING BUT.....
It's just.....it's....
I didn't think, I knew it was possible, but I didn't think it'd be so soon.
There's no promise that their leaving.
But.....the signs are there.
And it hurts.
Because I don't know how long I'll have them.
Even now I'm on the verge of tears because I know that every minute with them could be our last together.
I remember when Eric left.
It'd been quite sudden.
There'd been much debate about it.
Many discussions but never a set date.
And then one sunday he told us he was leaving after church.
I still miss him.
And.....me and him weren't even as close as me and A&O.
I just.....it sucks, ya know?
To realize that apart of you is about to be missing.
Because their very much a part of me.
I have these little jokes and sayings that I do all the time and they all started because of them.
What am I to do when their all the way in Alaska without a computer and the closet internet access is a library or a cousins house?
What am I to do when I go to church the sunday after they leave with the intention of telling them something hilarious only to find they aren't there?
How am I to deal with that?
To just smile and laugh and pretend everythings okay when on the inside I'll be screaming and wrathing in pain?.
How do I cope with that?
It had been bad on vacation last year when I thought they were gone.
But now it'll be worse.
I'll have to deal with Christina being upset too.
And she'll be a constant reminder of them because she's sure to talk about them as much as she does now.
Even though she hasn't known them long.
She'll still talk about them plenty.
And.....gah, it sucks.
It just sucks so much.
Because I can't.....I can't stand the thought of loosing too of my best friends.
Who will I call when I want to pull a prank on halloween?
Who will go along with my craziest of schemes and won't get pissy because I don't quite like their ideas because they aren't evil enough?
WHO will ever replace them?
No one.
No one ever will.
I don't want anyone too.
But I do want someone.
But I need this someone to be different.
And yet simuliar.
Which is......impossible.
Possible, but impossible.
And.....I'm still dealing with Tany being gone.
It's not as bad for me as it is for Ali.
But I'm in pain because she's in pain.
Because I miss her too.
And.....how am I going to do this?
How am I going to be strong?
Be that rock she leans on?
How can I do that when I'll be crying myself to sleep and wishing to just crawl under a rock and hide away?
How can I deal with this AND the pain of the one year mark of putting Sammy to sleep?
Isn't it bad enough that a couple of nights ago I lay in bed thinking about him and cried?
Isn't it bad enough that I'm crying now? Over nothing and everything?
I just....I wish I knew what to do.
But in the end, all I can do is love them and make sure they know that I'll always love them.
As for the Sammy thing.
It's difficult but I'm dealing.
Because he was my best friend too.
My very first best friend.
XOXO,
Dollface.
DAMMIT.
I WAS HAPPY AND SMILING AND EVERYTHING.
THEN ME AND CHRISTINA GOT ON THE SUBJECT OF A&O
AND NOW I'M SAD.
BECAUSE I KNEW THEY'D STILL END UP LEAVING BUT.....
It's just.....it's....
I didn't think, I knew it was possible, but I didn't think it'd be so soon.
There's no promise that their leaving.
But.....the signs are there.
And it hurts.
Because I don't know how long I'll have them.
Even now I'm on the verge of tears because I know that every minute with them could be our last together.
I remember when Eric left.
It'd been quite sudden.
There'd been much debate about it.
Many discussions but never a set date.
And then one sunday he told us he was leaving after church.
I still miss him.
And.....me and him weren't even as close as me and A&O.
I just.....it sucks, ya know?
To realize that apart of you is about to be missing.
Because their very much a part of me.
I have these little jokes and sayings that I do all the time and they all started because of them.
What am I to do when their all the way in Alaska without a computer and the closet internet access is a library or a cousins house?
What am I to do when I go to church the sunday after they leave with the intention of telling them something hilarious only to find they aren't there?
How am I to deal with that?
To just smile and laugh and pretend everythings okay when on the inside I'll be screaming and wrathing in pain?.
How do I cope with that?
It had been bad on vacation last year when I thought they were gone.
But now it'll be worse.
I'll have to deal with Christina being upset too.
And she'll be a constant reminder of them because she's sure to talk about them as much as she does now.
Even though she hasn't known them long.
She'll still talk about them plenty.
And.....gah, it sucks.
It just sucks so much.
Because I can't.....I can't stand the thought of loosing too of my best friends.
Who will I call when I want to pull a prank on halloween?
Who will go along with my craziest of schemes and won't get pissy because I don't quite like their ideas because they aren't evil enough?
WHO will ever replace them?
No one.
No one ever will.
I don't want anyone too.
But I do want someone.
But I need this someone to be different.
And yet simuliar.
Which is......impossible.
Possible, but impossible.
And.....I'm still dealing with Tany being gone.
It's not as bad for me as it is for Ali.
But I'm in pain because she's in pain.
Because I miss her too.
And.....how am I going to do this?
How am I going to be strong?
Be that rock she leans on?
How can I do that when I'll be crying myself to sleep and wishing to just crawl under a rock and hide away?
How can I deal with this AND the pain of the one year mark of putting Sammy to sleep?
Isn't it bad enough that a couple of nights ago I lay in bed thinking about him and cried?
Isn't it bad enough that I'm crying now? Over nothing and everything?
I just....I wish I knew what to do.
But in the end, all I can do is love them and make sure they know that I'll always love them.
As for the Sammy thing.
It's difficult but I'm dealing.
Because he was my best friend too.
My very first best friend.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Life is chaotic.
Work was just....ugh.
Complicated, fun, annoying, and like so many other things.
I had a moment today where I wished I could just hug Jacob and tell him that everything would be okay, to promise to him that it would be.
But I couldn't lie to him like that.
Even though everything will be.
I don't know how long it'll take for it to be okay.
All I can do is pray and be a good friend to him.
XD.
Chrtistina's post to our Twilight roleplay just made me smile.
I needed that.
I need to smile and forget about today and all the problems.
I need to think of ways to get Jake and them to cover and hang out.
I need to be happy and cheerful and just...me.
But it's diffcult.
So very difficult.
Still haven't heard anything from Ethan.
It worries me.
Sometimes I suck at saying things.
I should have worded that message better.
But I didn't.
And I'm sure I'm screwed.
But ah, this song is so amazing.
I've always loved it.
But lately I've been quite obsessed with it.
"Your Body Is A Wonderland" - John Mayer.
Tis amazing <3
Today was warm and sunny and even though the day at work was somewhat rough I wasn't too tired and so I put on my new bikini and went outside and worked on my tan and started cleaning out my pool.
I have to finish that sometime in the next couple of days.
My section of the garden is doing good so far.
Tomorrow I shall be picking the first strawberry off the bush.
And sometime soon I'll be picking the first bananapepper as well.
I'm not sure how my bellpeppers are going to do though.
I hope they live and produce <3
But uh yeah.
Gonna get to work on my blog "Flame's Inspiration"
It kinda died when I got grounded.
XOXO,
Dollface.
Complicated, fun, annoying, and like so many other things.
I had a moment today where I wished I could just hug Jacob and tell him that everything would be okay, to promise to him that it would be.
But I couldn't lie to him like that.
Even though everything will be.
I don't know how long it'll take for it to be okay.
All I can do is pray and be a good friend to him.
XD.
Chrtistina's post to our Twilight roleplay just made me smile.
I needed that.
I need to smile and forget about today and all the problems.
I need to think of ways to get Jake and them to cover and hang out.
I need to be happy and cheerful and just...me.
But it's diffcult.
So very difficult.
Still haven't heard anything from Ethan.
It worries me.
Sometimes I suck at saying things.
I should have worded that message better.
But I didn't.
And I'm sure I'm screwed.
But ah, this song is so amazing.
I've always loved it.
But lately I've been quite obsessed with it.
"Your Body Is A Wonderland" - John Mayer.
Tis amazing <3
Today was warm and sunny and even though the day at work was somewhat rough I wasn't too tired and so I put on my new bikini and went outside and worked on my tan and started cleaning out my pool.
I have to finish that sometime in the next couple of days.
My section of the garden is doing good so far.
Tomorrow I shall be picking the first strawberry off the bush.
And sometime soon I'll be picking the first bananapepper as well.
I'm not sure how my bellpeppers are going to do though.
I hope they live and produce <3
But uh yeah.
Gonna get to work on my blog "Flame's Inspiration"
It kinda died when I got grounded.
XOXO,
Dollface.
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