Rock.

I have this new resolve.
This resolve that I didn't have before.
After I finished sending all these messages to Tyler explaining why I've done some of the things I've done.
I went to read Ali's blog.
And I realized how much she needs someone.
Rather it's me or not.
I'm going to be her rock.

I'm going to be that rock she's relied on before.
That depression changed me in so many ways.
But that's one part of me that I keep screaming in my head can't change.
I can't ever stop being her rock.
If I change in such a way that I'm able to be more helpful then that's okay.
But I just can't stop being her rock.
Because right now she needs somebody.
And if I can be.
Then I'd like to be that somebody.

It doesn't matter that Dustin hurt me last night.
It doesn't matter that I'm still having some problems with Tyler.
It doesn't matter that we got a phone call this morning informing us that one my cousins died this weekend.
It doesn't matter that my dad is having some problems with this guy and it could end badly.
It doesn't matter that every day I deal with my mom worrying that I won't get my GED in time to go to college next year.
It doesn't matter that everyday I worry about how I'll pay for college.
It doesn't matter that everyday I not only deal with my problems, but my familys as well.

Right now, all that matters.
Is that my friend needs someone.
And if she doesn't need me....
Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

So, yeah.
The rock that's as hard as marble is back.
Because I'm determind to not let anything keep me down.
That side of me that likes to be whiney and show up at the worst time is being shoved back into the closet and being locked up because I don't need to be that person who's all...emo-ish.
I need to be that person that Ali trusts.
That person who's as stubborn as hell, that's just crazy enough to do something stupid to cheer someone up, that's too trusting, that's too......human.
I need to be that person again.



XOXO,
Dollface.