Can this day get any worse?

So, you know how on myspace they have that "Own Your Friends" app.
Well, this one girl kept buying Aaron from me but I just kept buying him back, anyways.
She bought me and I went to look at her "Own Your Friends" profile cause like you can see all the comments she posts and stuff.
And she's like talking about how Aaron's her boyfriend and stuff.
I don't know if it's true or not.
His myspace still says he's single but now I seriously feel like crying.
I have half the mind to put on "our" song.
But I know that'd just make me feel worse, even though that song is the kind of music I feel like listening to right now.
What if he is dating her?
What if he just hasn't felt like telling me even though we're really good friends?
What if he just hasn't felt like he has to change his status on myspace?
What if this entire time I thought he was just busy with work and that's why he wasn't talking to me wasn't actually the case? What if he just isn't talking to me because his girlfriend doesn't want him too?
I have half the mind to call him, to see what's going on.
But I'm not sure I could handle it.
I'm not sure I could sound happy for him if he is dating her.
I'm not sure I could keep the tears from falling.
I'm not sure I wouldn't just curl into a ball and stop talking the moment he confirmed that they were dating.
I'm not sure I could stand to hear the panic in his voice if he heard my ragged breathing on the line, if he heard me sobbing.
I'm seriously on the verge of tears.

I mean, I suppose I shouldn't feel this way.
It's not like he's interested in me romantically or anything.
But I did fall in love with him over the summer.
And I'm still totally and helplessly in love with him, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I've told him how I felt, including how I didn't want how I felt to mess up our friendship.
Because in the event he didn't feel the same way, I still wanted to be friends.
I thought I could handle it if he got a girlfriend.
I thought I could just sit back and smile like I did when Tyler told me he'd started dating Liz three weeks after me and him broke up.
I thought I'd be able to fake a smile and tell him how happy I was that he's happy, even though I know he can see through my lies.
But even though he'd be able to see through the lie, I honestly think he would have pretended to believe me just to make it easier on me.

Now I'm sick to my stomach, like how I was when I was worried about Aaron's safety because of the hurricane.
I feel like I'm going to throw up.
But this time if I do it's not because I'm sick with a virus.
It's because I've probably just managed to permantly lose the only guy I've truly loved since me and Tyler broke up.

The only way this day could get any worse is if Aaron confirmed that him and this girl are going out, that would seriously make this day worse.
Perhaps him telling me he was never EVER interested in me romantically would make it worse too.
I'm just....
I'm just trying to ignore this pain I'm feeling.
I'll have to call him and ask about it sometime.
I'm just not sure when I'll be able to do that.



XOXO,
Dollface.