I can't destory what isn't there.

Once again the song title is taken from the lyrics in 'Snuff'.

So like I probably should have blogged sooner.
But like I needed some time to get my thoughts together so that I could blog without sounding.....pathetic.
However I'm quite sure that I'm still going to sound pathetic.


So I got to talk to Aaron on Thursday, which made me really, really happy.
And appearently my parents noticed.
Lemme explain.
Both my parents were sitting in the living room and I was on the computer and we were talking and the phone rang so I grabbed it and I was just like "hello?"
And then Aaron was like.
"Hi"
Like I didn't realize it was him so I was like.
"Hi."
And then he was like.
"Do you even know who this is?"
and I sqealed in delight and was like "Oh! Hi Aaron!"

And right when I was starting to leave the room I heard mom say "Well that's a lot happier tune than what we've been hearing."
And that made me realize that not only was I feeling depressed and worried about him appearently I really was.

To the point that I couldn't hide how horrible and depressed I felt.
Which is what makes me honestly believe that I really do love him.
Because usually I'm really good at hiding my emotions.
Which makes me wonder if that's what's keeping us apart.
Is it possible that how I'm able to play things off like their no big deal is what's keeping us apart?.
Is it that why when I say I love him, he doesn't believe me because I'm hiding my true emotions because I'm scared he'll reject me?
And if that's the case do I dare take the risk of being rejected and loosing our friendship and tell him?
and be completely serious?

I think I might have to do that.
I'm not sure I'm ready to do it just yet.
But I think I'm doomed to it.