Confused.

So, I got a phone call from Aaron today.
Which surprised me but made me really happy.
I haven't spoken to him in like a month.
I mean we've talked online but not on the phone.
And even then it wasn't much of a converstation.
So like he called.
And I'm all happy.


But then like, he was apologizing for not calling in a while.
And I was like no worries.
And then he was like. "You know you can call me at anytime right?"
And I was like. "Yeah. I've thought about it alot lately, I just...I don't know, haven't gotten to it."
"But seriously, Amy. Call me anytime, home phone...cell phone."
"Haha, I'd called your cellphone first cause you know...but like I just never know when you'll be at work."

Okay, so is anyone starting to see how I'm always wondering if he actually has real feelings for me?.

Alright, so then we got on the discussion of home-coming and how he missed it because of having to do this training thing with the Army this weekend.


Me: "Don't feel bad, I missed our homecoming."
Aaron: "But I thought you couldn't go cause your-"
Me: "Yeah, we were gonna work something out with the school but then dad basically talked me out of it cause he was like 'Why would you want to go when you don't have a date?'"
Aaron: "You should have gone."
Me: "Yeah, well I was in houston that day anyways so that's why I didn't go."

So then he went on to explain how the night would have gone had he been able to go to homecoming.

And I was like. "That's cool, but see that's the thing you'd have fun. But I'd spend most of the night trying to find someone I actually know. Like I know everyone but I mean someone I know well."
Aaron: "Oh you would have found someone."
Me: "Oh I'm sure, it probably would have been the other Amiee."
Aaron: "No, I mean some guy would have asked you to dance and...ya know."
Me: "Ha, I doubt it. My lucks never that good."

And then we'd started talking about how guys always ask girls to dance at Homecoming and he gave me an example.

Aaron: "Like last year at homecoming, I asked this girl to dance who didn't even go to my school."
Me: "Haha, yeah but that's you."
Aaron: "Of course, this was before we started talking."
Me: "Yeah...wait. No we started talking in June or like the first part of July of last year..."
Aaron: "I mean like before we started really talking...like....before you said you liked me and stuff."
Me: "Oh. Well, I don't care. I mean you can do what you want."
Aaron: "You know you care Amy."
Me: "Yeah but like I can't care. Because I'm just hurting myself by like caring so much."
Aaron: "....Cuss me out Amy."
Me: "What?...Aaron...no I can't."
Aaron: "No, seriously. Cuss me out-"
Me: "Aaron. I can't your my friend and like..."
Aaron: "No, Amy. I deserve it. Don't worry about it."
Me: "Your my friend and I want to stay friends. I can't cuss you out."


So, can you guys see why the title of this blog is called 'confused' ?.
I mean, I'm so confused right now.
I mean, he's never read my blog so he doesn't realize how much all this stuff effected me.
And yet just me saying "...Because I'm just hurting myself by like caring so much."
Made him instantly tell me to cuss him out.
I don't get it. I seriously don't get it.
I don't know what to do.
And see I'm still like with Arjun.
I really, really like Arjun.
But there's still that part of my heart that belongs to Aaron.
And I'm trying really hard to just back off and give up and let all those freshmen girls he was telling me about on the phone have him.
I want him to be happy.
But at the same time I want to be happy.

And like, a part of me really, really wants us to be happy together.
I just don't see that happening.
Ever.
Which hurts.
I mean the pain isn't as bad as it could be, thanks to Arjun.
He's seriously helped to....distract me from how I feel about Aaron.
Gah.
I'm so confused.
So, I guess I'm just gonn.a go to bed and sleep on it.
And maybe by the time we talk tomorrow evening I'll know what to say to him.


XOXO,
Dollface.