Once.

Once I was real
Once I was somebody's child
Once I could feel
Some feeling once in a while
Once I was here
Once I was somebody's friend
Once I appear I will be real once again


- Caleb Kane, "Once."

This song is so amazing.
I just love it.
The lyrics are so deep, so true.
I've watched people fall.
And just recently everyone around me watched me fall.
Now I'm at a standstill. Sorta.
I'm trying to crawl my way out of this dark abyss.
And I'm slowly working my way back to being my normal self.
With Ali's, Bernice's, Aaron's, Arjun's and my family's support.
I'm slowly working on returning to being...me.

It's not an easy battle.
Nor is it one I want to fight.
Apart of me.
A weaker part.
Just wants to give up.
But that weak side isn't me.
I am strong.
I can be weak sometimes.
But usually I am the rock everyone can relie on.
Sometimes I need to lean on other people though.
Aaron has seriously helped me get out of this...rut.
The only reason I single out certain people.
Is because sometimes that one person will do one thing, just one that makes them stand out amongest all the people that are here for me.
And he's done it.
I said he'd either make me or break me.
And he's doing everything in his power to not let me break.
And I'm happy for that.

So anyways.
I promise that I am not sliping back into my depression.
I promise that this is just me blogging to make sure that I don't slip into it.
So, now I will post the lyrics to this song.
And I think all of you can picture singing it to me when I was depressed.
Because I could picture all of you singing it.
Just like I can picture myself singing it to some of you during those times ya'll almost break.
Just like I could picture you guys singing it to me even now.
Just like I could sing myself to sleep with this song, or dance to it.

So here it is, the number one on my top ten songs this week.


"You change in front of me
Your eyes get darker every day
It happens quietly
Your focus slowly burns away
And if you let me hear
The things you seem to wanna say

I will wait
I will wait to go
Until I know you're somewhere safe

And even if you chose
To lock yourself away
If I listen close
I can almost hear you say

Once I was real
Once I was somebody's child
Once I could feel
Some feeling once in a while
Once I was here
Once I was somebody's friend
Once I appear I will be real once again

You're falling into it
An inescapable place
Or something intimate
Between the you that no one sees
Is there a way inside
You only hide from enemies
Cause I'll wait
I'm afraid you won't get rid of me so easily

And even if you chose
To lock the world away
If I listen close
I can almost hear you say

Once I was real
Once I had something to lose
Once I could feel
Once I was harder to bruise
Once I was here
Once I was willing to mend
Once I appear I will be real once again

You're falling farther than
I've ever seen you fall before
For me to wonder when
I'll recognize you anymore
To see no light inside your eyes at all
To bang my head against the wall
And force myself to watch you fall away

And even if you chose
To lock the world away
If I listen close
I can almost here you say

Once I was real
Once I was somebody's child
Once I could feel
Some feeling once in a while
Once I was here
Once I was somebody's friend
Once I appear I will be real once again

Once I was real
Once I was somebody's child
Once I could feel
Some feeling once in a while
Once I was here
Once I was somebody's friend
Once I appear I will be real once again"


For some reason, I just love this song and I believe that in some strange way it fits me.
It's an amazing song.
A beautiful song.
Well written.
The melody is just perfect.

And so now I must leave you.
I promised to take my nephews to go catch flies for Denali.
So, I shall return later on.


XOXO,
Dollface.

P.S. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcJb-rjSjYI