"I'm Gonna Teach You, How We're All Alone."

This just...sucks.
There's no other way to discribe it.
Tany, if your reading this.
Please know that I love you very much and so does Ali.
Also know that we miss you more than you could possibly know and that we really, really want you to come back.
PAT BROWN THINKS YOUR AWESOME.


Please Tany.
You can't keep doing this to us.
To Ali.
It just....it isn't fair.
I know life isn't fair.
But....after everyting you've said to us.
You must understand how much your contradicting yourself.
And how I felt the last time someone did that to me.

Do we honestly mean so little to you?.
I'm not trying to send you on a guilt trip of anything.
I'm just...I'm wondering why your leaving us.
Don't you see how much your tearing us up on the inside.
How our hearts are being ripped in two, and our minds are falling apart from the inside?.
I mean....I just....I don't understand.
I don't get what's going on.
I can't make sense of any of this.
And everytime I try to read the post about what went down I just...I can't.
It's strange.
And I won't ask Ali to explain it to me.
I'll just wait until the time is right and sit down and read it because....I don't understand.
I understand the pain that Ali's feeling.
I'm feeling a lesser degree of that pain.
That isn't to say that you don't mean as much to me as you do to her.
It's just that I'm not the one who sees anything in their room and thinks of you.

I see my Hello Kitty stocking and I wonder how your doing.
I see some people from India come into McDonalds and my heart aches, because I miss you.
I reread blog posts of yours and mine and Ali's and I laugh at all the little jokes we've shared.
I call Ali my "Wifey" and I wonder where my daughter is.
The family isn't...whole without you.

You know, today when I was talking to my mom about coming to Vancouver, mom mentioned that she was cool with me hanging out with Ali but she didn't mention you, because I haven't talked about you much because it hurts to talk about you.
But when she only mention Ali, I felt like some piece of my heart broke off and fell into a blackpit, because I realized....that I don't have you anymore.
I've lost you.
This doesn't seem like a normal friend fight.
Because if it was.
I think you'd still talk to me some.
But you won't even talk to me.
It hurts.
It really hurts.
I never realized how much it hurts until now.
I'm on the verge of tears because I know it's true.
Your gone and the chances of you coming back are extremely silm.

So.....I guess all I can do is hold onto Ali as tight as I can and make sure she always knows how much I love her.
All I can do is make sure your memory never dies.
And....all I can do is learn from this, so that it won't happen to me again in the future.


I miss you Gowri.
And I love you.
Come home soon.





XOXO,
Dollface.