The tears may fall, hearts may break, life may suck, but at least you ain't fugly like Pate!

Don't ask about the title.
It was the most random thing in my head.
I was going to do something more....dramatic.
More....poetic.
But nothing came to mind.
And what did was like FOREVER long.

Didn't sleep worth a flip last night.
Kept waking up, and staying awake then falling asleep.
Dreamed of my wifey.
I miss her and Tany very much.
Our desktop computer is being lame.
Our internet still continues to be effed up.
And it's really, really getting on my nerves.

Feel like crying.
Which doesn't make much sense.
I mean it does.
But like it doesn't.
I'm worried about Ali.
It's really strange not being able to talk to her for like...long periods of time.
So I instantly start worrying.
And then like her blogs aren't...the happiest.
Not the worst.
But....it still scares me.
What if something happens?
What if she needs me and I can't be here?
What if.....she gets tired of me not being able to be on and just decides to end our friendship?.
I mean I don't think she'd do that.
It'd take a lot of bullshit to piss her off to the point that she just walks away.
But I don't want to risk it, ya know?.

And like, I'm worried about Tany too.
Appearently she hasn't been eating much.
Also her blog posts tell me how depressed she is.
I'm worried that she's going through that thing I went through when I was depressed.
You know that thing that like messes up how you eat and shit.

*Sighs*
I just really, really wish I could go visit them.
That I could just go spend a week or two up there and just be whatever it is that they need me to be.
Rather it's a distraction from the mayham that is life, or a shoulder to cry on.
Or whatever.
I want to be there for them.
I hate being so far apart.
I know some people wouldn't be able to understand this relationship we have.
Most people think that like a BFF is someone who's always with you, someone who's like always at your house and stuff.
But for me a BFF is more than just someone you see all the time.
I mean, I can see a person all the time, I can know a person extremely well.
But does that make them my bff? No.
It's kinda like how I fell in love with Aaron without ever meeting him in person.

I can be really, really close to someone without seeing them all the time.
Because I'm really big on a person's personality.
If you have a crappy personality, then we won't get along.
It doesn't matter how much we have in common.

And so, Ali and Tany have great personalities.
I love them both very much.
I hate that two of my best friends are so far away.
But someday that'll change.
Even if I have to kidnap them and make them live with me in some beach house in Flordia.
Lol.
But I'm quite serious, y'all.

So uh, yeah.
I don't know where to go with this.
I feel like writting.
I'm just not sure what to write about.
I mean I suppose I could write about that dream I had involving Ali.
I'm sure she'd love to hear it.
OH!
I played "Find Edward's Human" With Emmett last night.
Twas quite fun.
But for some reason mom was playing too....
*shrugs*
OKAY! DREAM TIME!

So it started off with me arguing with Zach...uh...the guy I almost kissed?, yeah that dude.
And I was so pissed that I said something about him like breaking my heart or whatever.
And he was like "It's not my fault she was seventeen and you weren't old enough to date!"
And like I'd never meant to say what I'd said.
And I hadn't expected his response either.
And like we were argueing in my front hallway and then like I was just like "Whatever" and walked off and into the bathroom, because I figured he'd just you know, leave.
And like I just barely saw Dad going to talk to him as I walked into the bathroom.
And then like when I got out of the shower and walked out of the bathroom, I was confronted by my dad and he was like "Look Amy, I talked to him and you should give him a chance. Just hear him out, okay?"
So in my mind I was like "HOLY SHIT DAD'S BEING THE PEACE MAKER?!"
But then I realized as I peeked around the corner that he was still in the main hallway and like Jovan was with him too and I was like "F*ck" Cause I was trying to figure out how to get up stairs to change out of my PJ's without Zach seeing me in them.
So I was freaking out and then I was just like "To hell with it, I don't care if he sees me going to change, I'll just tell him to wait a minute."
So I started to sneak up the stairs and suddenly I hear talking and I looked over the stairwell to find Ali talking to Zach about how like her camera wasn't working and I mouthed the words "What are you doing here?!"
And she just waved me along, like she was trying to be a distraction for me.
So then I was like "It's the guy I almost kissed!" and she kinda nodded while Zach looked over her camera and then she shoo'ed me off again and so I went up stairs and picked out something else to wear and then before I could get back downstairs to talk to him, I woke up.
IT PISSED ME OFF, MAN!.
I WOKE UP AT LIKE 2 AM.
AND NEVER GOT TO FIND OUT.
WHAT HAPPENED.
WHICH MADE ME BE ALL LIKE "GRRRR."
And then I was awake for like thirty minutes.


So yeah.
Now I need to go take a shower.
More dreams tomorrow!.
If the 'net works.



XOXO,
Dollface.