Good-bye's really suck.

Okay, more stuff that happened.

You know the day I talked to Aaron?
The day I found out he was dating that chick?
Well up until Jan. 3rd.
I hadn't talked to Aaron at all.
But then while I was brushing my hair it hit me that he'd just turned eighteen.
I nearly dropped my brush.
I still wanted to be friends and yet I had totally forgotten his birthday.
Didn't that make me a horrible friend?
So I called him.
He couldn't talk long.
But we talked a little bit.
Won't go into detail.
But...
I think it's over.
Like literally over.
Because at the end of the convo, he said something that's like so out of place in one of our converstation's.
"Blow shit up, have a good life-"
And that's all I remember.
After hearing "Have a good life" My heart sank.
And the pain hit again.
Hearing his voice only stirred up a dull pain, only stirred up memories.
But realizing that he appearently wanted nothing else to do with me, ever?
Well, that sucked.
Majorly.

Um.
Yeah, lots more happened.
But it's going to take some time to right down everything, everyone missed.
I'm doing better though.
The pain is usually a dull ache.
But once in a while, I get a sharp pain in my chest.
And when I do, I feel my defenses weaken.
I feel my need to talk to someone grow.
And yet there's this need to be silent.

I don't like silence.
I do.
But I don't.
Lately silence hasn't been a good thing for me.
This pain has caused me to give half-ass responses.
The kind you get from people who don't care about what your talking about.
But the thing is, I care.
I'm just having problem's expressing my interest in these converstations.
It really, really sucks.


So, I think I need to get ready to take a shower and then I'm going to bed.
I'm extremely sleepy. (I had to get up at 4:45 AM this morning to get ready for work and it's currently 9:25 PM....yeah, you do the math.)



XOXO,
Dollface.