"Can't stop the rain from falling, can't stop my heart from calling you."

Kinda happy, kinda not.
Currently listening to "Please Be Mine" - The Jonas Brothers.
Was just thinking about that picture that Bailey offered to take of me and Dillion while we were at camp.
My mind then proceeded to drift towards this book I just decided to write.
I've got so many that I'm working on right now that I have to wonder how I manage to keep them from getting all mixed up.
Looked at Class Rings today.
We should be ordering mine soon.
Can't go to Christina's house today, which sucks.
But I get to go tomorrow, which is awesome too.
But I really wanted to see her today.
Wanted to see her reaction to the birthday gift I got her.

I'm toying with the idea of going to a film school for a few weeks next summer.
But I'm also toying with the idea of just taking a road trip, maybe go bug Tyler like I keep telling him I will.
I miss him.
It's strange.
I thought I was totally over him.
But then I saw this comment his G/F left him on facebook, and I got this little pain in my chest.
It didn't make any sense.
I have a thoery.
I think that I'm in so much pain over Aaron, that my mind is trying to make me focus on something else.
Something that I normally wouldn't bat an eye at.
Speaking of Aaron.
I'm doing a lot better on that end.
It hurts, yeah.
But....it's not totally unbearable.
There are moments when I want to burst into tears.
But then I've finally reached that point when I can go a few hours without thinking about him.
When I can just think about someone else.
When I can worry about college.
Worry about what my co-workers think of me.
Worry about stupid shit like how I still somehow feel horrible for not hugging Dillon the last time I saw him.

I think I feel bad about that though, because I'm trying to live my life like I'm dying tomorrow.
Which I'm not dying tomorrow.
But if I was.
And if I got the chance to hug one my friends and didn't.
How would they feel once I was gone?
Would they regret not giving me that one hug?
I know I'd regret it if they died tomorrow.

And....I don't know.
I'm in a strange mood.
I've been in this place before.
This place where I'm annoyed and yet I'm not.
Where I'm happy, but I'm not.
It's just so....strange.
Wish I could have roleplayed yesterday.
I was having a hard time finding someone who'd roleplay with me.
Finally talked Tyler into it and Komo roleplayed with me a little bit too.
But I didn't get enough time in.
Which totally sucks.
I mean, I got waaaay less than an hour.
And....GAH.
This is so annoying.
I just want to do something.
I want to be out making a spoof on Twilight with friends or playing video games with Jacob or something.
Speaking of that....I don't even know if Jacob likes video games....shit, I need to ask him about that.
LOL.

So yeah.
I'm happy.
I'm okay.
I'm disappointed.
But I'm okay.
I'm annoyed, too.
But I'll be alright.
I always am, aren't I?.




(XOXO,
Dollface.)



You know what?. I'm not done with this blog yet.
I thought I was, but I'm not.
I'm also thinking about last spring break and the pillow fight we attempted to have in the hotel room.
I'm also thinking about the fact that I'm going to be getting my GED soon and the fact that being alone sucks.
Also, I really don't like complaining.
And yet, if you read this blog, then your totally going to think I do.
I don't like that.
I don't like being so confusing.
So...contradicting.
I just want people to see me.
And I want people to love me for everything I am.
And everything I'm not.

I love everyone.
I think hugs are amazing.
Tackling people is fun.
I have this habbit of just saying someone's name at work and when they turn to look at me I'm just like "I love you!"
I don't know why I'm like that, but I am.
I wish that me and Tyler could be friends like him and Tobi or Me, Arthur&Oliver
I wish I wasn't always so confusing.
I'm a bookworm.
I'm a dancer.
I'm a protector.
I love almost all types of music.
I love my friends.
I love my family.
I love God.
And I love that stranger I pass by on the street.

I hate spiders, but I love snakes.
I wish I could spend more time with my friends.
I wish I lived closer to my cousin, Jason.

And yet.
I....I just can't discribe what I'm really feeling right now.

So I think I better end this.
Before it gets more out of hand than it already is.



XOXO,
Dollface.

P.S. FUR REALZ YO.