Hey, I listen to suggustions.

Was shifting through Ali's blog.
Catching up on the things I missed.
Still have some more reading to do.
But one song on her new playlist caught my attention so I looked it up.
It's pretty good.
"Not Listening" - Sick Of Sarah.
I actually really like it.
And I haven't even finished listening to it the first time.
Yes....I think I'll be okay.
But it's going to take time.
And right now.
I'm not okay.
Kinda like that MCR song?

"I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not oh-f*cking-kay.
Trust me."



XOXO,
Dollface

Fuck.

I just....I can't.
I can't.
I can't think.
I can't breath.
I know that if I try to eat I'll just puke it up.
I'm not even hungry.
My head is pounding.
I could just break something.
I'm angry and I'm upset and I just...I just wish things were different.
Do you know I didn't even get to hug her on sunday?
Because I didn't want to interupt what she was doing long enough to get a hug.
I didn't go to youth group last wednesday.
The last wednesday she'd ever be with us.
I'm...I'm....fuck.
I just....I can't.
I can't do this.

Blank.

My mind feels so blank most of the time.
Like at first it isn't.
At first it's kinda blank but at the same time it's spinning with thoughts and ideas.
But then it spins faster and faster and I have a hard time getting a grip on things so then it feels blank though it isn't.
And then my head starts hurting.
And then my head is blank from pain.
But I still feel like there's things spinning in my mind.

Probably won't take a shower tonight.
The ghosts are driving me crazy.
Been texting since like 1:30 this afternoon.
I've probably sent like 300 texts since then.
Working 2-close tomorrow.
If our softball team wins the first game then we may try to catch thier second game at midnight.
Sucks I have to work 7-4 on Saturday.
(Yeah, they keep changing my damned sche)

Annnnd yeah.
New kid at work.
Friends with my cousins Dustin and Jessica.
Has been texting me.
He's like six months younger than me.
I was sorta interested until I heard that.
I really, really don't want to date someone younger than me again.

Sooo yeah.
Missing Brian like crazy.
Missing Aaron too.
I loves them both very much.
Just in different ways.



XOXO,
Dollface.

Current sche

Monday: 5-2
Tuesday: Off
Wednesday: Off; Might be going to see a movie and going to church.
Thursday: 5-2
Friday: 2-close
Saturday: 8-6
Sunday: Off; going to church, Maybe to san antonio.





XOXO,
Dollface

Sche.

Saturday, June 6th: 2- close.
Sunday: Off. Have church as usual.
Monday: Possibly off.
Tuesday: Off, might get to hang out with Aaron. (San Antonio Aaron, not Army Boy Aaron)
Wednesday: Off.
Thrusday: Possibly off.
Friday: 2-close
Saturday: 8-6

Will update this as soon as I know more.


XOXO,
Dollface

Not even going to bother attempting to come up with a witty title.

I can't do this.
I can't think.
I can't...I just can't.
I understand why Ali doesn't want to talk about this.
I can't blame her.
But right after I heard and I was heading home all I could think of was "Ali, Brian, Ali, Brian, Ali, Brian. Just one of them, please."
I need this.
But I can't, I can't ask her to deal with this.
I'm about to cry.
Not gonna lie.


Just.....shit.




XOXO,
Dollface.

HA! HA!

Oh hey, look.
It's June 1st.
Okay, technacially June 2nd because it's 12:20 AM.
But Whatever.
It's june 1st on the west coast.
Sooooo HA!



XOXO,
Dollface.