I didn't know that I'd fallen in love with him until just a few minutes ago.
When he texted me and told me about what happened last night after we quit texting each other, about what happend at that party.
I'm joking with him about it, and pretending to think it's hilarious because on the inside it hurts.
I mean it really hurts.
Not as bad as when Aaron broke my heart.
This isn't a broken heart, it's a damaged heart.
Like someone threw a rock at it.
If it was anyone else, I think I'd actually be laughing my ass off about the entire thing.
I'd call them a pervert and mean it, I told him that, but I didn't mean it.
I'm picking on him and joking around because I'm on the verge of tears but I could never tell him that.
I think he's a little irrated with me and I don't know why.
I think it's because he's not used to being picked on, even though I'm most definitely kidding.
This is not what I expected.
I knew I liked him.
Knew that the other night when his name popped up on the screen of my phone that I felt all warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Knew that last night when he said that he'd wait until I was 18 to go out with me and I said that he didn't have too and he responded with "maybe I want too" that I had butterflies in my stomach.

Why do I keep doing this to myself?
I'm perfectly content to wait on Brian and yet....Derrick's tempting.
And I've appearently fallen for him.
But it's not a lust thing like with Travis, I look back now and realize that when I dated Travis it had to do with lust, not love.
With Derrick, I really do like him.

Grr, what the fuck am I getting myself into?


XOXO,
Dollface